A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I need some outsiders help. I’ve been seeing this guy for a while, we met online and couldn’t meet because of lockdown. We finally meet and things have been okay for the 3 months we’ve been physically seeing each other. But that’s just it, they’re just fine. I don’t get butterflies when I think of him or when I kiss him. I don’t get super excited to see him and I kinda want to end things cos I’m not happy. He’s done nothing wrong but I’m just not that into it and I don’t see a big future ahead, I can’t see me being with him forever whereas in the past I’ve been able to see some sort of future with the person I’m with. I’m looking for some help on how I can end things without being a huge bitch and being a horrible person. I kinda wish something would happen so I could blame it on that but nothing has. I’ve only ever been on the receiving ends of a break up hence I’m finding this so hard. Please help. Any tips would be great xoxo
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2020): BTW...please don't do it by text-message or a post-it note! Tell him to his face. He'll get-over you, and move on. Playing with the emotions of another person or stringing them along under pretense is cruel and vicious. If you have to breakup up with them, you give the both of you the opportunity to find someone right for either of you.
Let me add this. When you meet someone, don't project where the relationship is going into the future; long before you get there. You'll get carried-away in fantasy and make-believe; and nobody will ever live-up to that! Neither will you! Stay in the present, and rooted in reality. Only a flaming-idiot or psychic thinks they know who they can see themselves with in the future. It's the present and reality rational-people deal with. Not childish-fantasy and imaginary-notions about love that may never come true. Leave all that foolishness for Hallmark cards, movies, and sappy romance novels.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2020): Why is honesty and straightforwardness so hard? Is playing him along any better or easier?
He's an adult. He knows this will either work, or it wont!
There is no sweet and lovely way to reject people. It's not a bad thing to have to do it. It's necessary and compassionate when you know in your heart that things are going nowhere. It's being fair and kind to him; in order to set him free to find someone he needs and deserves. It just isn't you!
He can probably sense it anyway; because it becomes harder and harder to pretend. You may as well be honest and tell him straight-out. Don't dilly-dally, or beat around the bush; that's what makes it harder to accept.
Any uncertainty, or unnecessary sappiness; makes it seem as if there's still a chance, or you're undecided. Let him know, just be reasonably kind about it. "I'm sorry, this isn't working for me; and it is difficult to say this. I hope you'll find someone you deserve."
No further contact, no mealy-mouthed insincere offer to be friends; and don't condescend to him like he's a fragile little-child.
There is no wonderful way to reject and dump someone. Get that in your head. There is a respectful and honest way; but it still hurts the person being dumped. It hurts more to string them along; until it has to be done harshly and abruptly, because you've become fed-up with pretending, frustrated, or irritated.
Since when did you have to do something wrong to be dumped? You just ain't feeling it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2020): Whatever you do please don’t do it over a text message. Just sit him
down and tell him you don’t see a future with him.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (19 November 2020):
 I think that the longer you leave this the harder it is going to be for you, and for him.
You are clearly not into him, it's not your fault, and neither does it make you a bad person for ending it.
Honesty is the best policy, all you have to do is tell him how you feel, your not feeling it, and you don't see a future with him.
Yes he may be upset, but he will get over it and will be able to move on with his life, as will you also.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 November 2020):
 Telling someone, "You are a really nice person, I just don't see this going anywhere" is not being a "huge Bitch or awful person" it's being honest.
The sooner you tell him, the sooner HE too can move on.
And don't OFFER to be "friends" after you end it, just cut and block all contact and remove him from social media if you have him on there.
If things are just "OK" there is no reason to drag it out or continue.
You don't NEED to make this a LONG drawn out thing, not do you NEED to give an explanation. Just saying:" I don't see us as a good fit long term, I wish you the best."
That IS what dating is for, to see if the person is a good fit or not. Obviously, he is NOT.
So put on your big girl panties, call him and tell him. I don't think you NEED to do this in person due to "ye olde plague" and all.
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