A
female
age
30-35,
*ritnicolerox
writes:I need help figuring things out. My boyfriend of almost 4 years has always been faithfull and full of love twards me up until two weeks ago. I just returned from a trip to my home town and decided while he was sleeping to look at his phone just curious I guess. I found a bunch of text messages from him to one of our close girl friends and thought nothing of it until I read on and discoverd that he had sexted her the night befor and deleted all of the conversation...the only way I found out was she had mentioned it in one of the new texts. She went on to say stuff about how they had to be good from now on and could only flirt in dark corners...when I read all this I was furious and completely broken. I confronted him the next morning about it and he seemed really upset and sorry saying it was a stupid drunk thing, I also talked to the girl and she said it would never happen again and that she was stupid and crossed the line. Since then I have been upset and don't feel like I can trust him. The first night after I found out he was lovey and gave me all the attention I wanted but now no matter how hard I try I feel like he's pushing me away...he doesn't seem to get excited like he usto when I try stuff in bed, and says he's tired. I kind of understand that because he works a lot but still, I don't know what I can do to make things like they were befor. I want him to go back to how he usto be, all lovey and willing to pounce on me all the time...I can't help but feel like I'm pushing him away because of my attitude latly. I've been freeking out too much and turning little things into stuff that may not be what they seem. Please help me figure this out...I don't want to feel upset and hurt any more.
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (5 January 2011):
 hi
did you notice any difference in him before you found the texts? or it could be that he feels very uncomfortable/foolish/guilty/worried that you will dump him now that he knows what you have found out. why did you look in his phone anyway? did you have doubts or a feeling that you should look at it? what he's done is really awful and sneaky and i think alcohol is the oldest excuse in the book. do you trust him now? it now seems like it is YOU who is anxious to please HIM, when after what he's done it should be the other way around!
xx
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 January 2011):
 Why do you feel like you need to change. He is the one that messed up by crossing the line with your friend, ok so he may not have physically cheated but he cheated emotionally and that is wrong he should be trying his hardest here to earn your trust back but instead he has became distant and you are the one wanting to fix it.
Am afraid he needs to be the one to fix it. Sometimes in life we get bored or tired in a relationship and it just loses its spark. He obviously wants more excitment when he texted your friend out of order.
You need to sit down and talk to him and tell him how you feel and also you need to ask him what he wants and ask him to be truthful with you.
Goodluck.
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A
female
reader, x.BrokenxHearts.x +, writes (5 January 2011):
 Not being funny hun but he's saying he's 'tired' when you're trying stuff in bed and you put it down to work. Have you ever thought it actually because he's using all his energy on your friend?
So what if he apologised and she said it wouldn't happen again!
It doesn't make it true.
I very much doubt that it will end here they are probably still carrying on together but being very careful about it this time.
I'd ditch them both for good. Unless you want to get hurt again?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): I can understand exactly where you are coming from. My husband has been texting one of his ex girlfriends and fliting. I can't trust him either. It has been almost a year and not until only a few months ago did he finally stop but now he is shutting me out and only shows me affection when it is comvienent for him. If I tell him I love him or try to hold him in bed I get pushed away. I've been trying to figure out for the last year what to do and still haven't. The only thing I can say to you is try things apart and if he is truely sorry and wants to be with you he'll come back. Don't end up like me fighting for something so hard that you loose track of yourself and the life you have.
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