A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've married for 20 years with an adult daughter. My husband is controlling and I finally have the courage to end my unhappy marriage. Then I met this man 16 years older than me. He is helpful and supportive throughout my divorce. Two years on I feel he is controlling as well. He likes to tell me what to do and I gradually doing everything his way. And he wont take no for an answer in the bed room department. I've lost my identity. I dont love him any more and I am not happy. Should I end it and how to tell him. Please advise.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (9 April 2012):
 This sounds like a suffocating relationship. It is sad but he is overbearing in his actions. He will not take 'NO' ’or an answer in the bedroom? That is completely unacceptable. Maybe you need to do a course on Assertive training? I think it would help you to value yourself more.
This guy is destroying your self-esteem and that is unacceptable too.
And you are not happy and you feel you do not love him anymore.
Before you say a word get your own house in order.
Quietly confirm what are the marital assets. What do you own and what do you own jointly with him? What debts do you have as a couple and what other assets or debts does he have in his name? because if he is controlling then he is also probably controlling about money and you may not know the real situation regarding what are the marital assets.
Find out all that before you say a word.
Also get advice on divorce or breaking up with a life partner before you say a word.
Build some contacts and work out how you will survive financially and where you might live before you say a word about leaving. He will be very threatened by you leaving. He is in his 70s and so he may think this is what is expected of him - to call all the shots.
Ensure that you also get some couples counselling as well to improve things if you have any second thoughts about ending the relationship - before you tell him you are thinking of ending the relationship.
After 20 years you surely must have some good memories even if things have deteriorated.
All may not be lost.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 April 2012):
 I'm confused
are you divorced now and living with this other man?
or are you still married? and having a bit on the side?
or are you in your own place and this new guy is your bf and it's not good.
if you are in your own place then you tell this new guy just what you told us
"i'm not happy in our relationship any more. I find you too controlling and I'm sorry but I need to find myself again so I won't be able to see you any more"
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