A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid please help, im having problems with my boyfriend and dont know what to do, ive been going out him for 8 months now and i only have eyes for him im at uni and spent the summer at home about 200 miles from him. I thought we had a great relationship until one day when he wouldn't reply to any of my emails, txts or calls. About two weeks went by and then he txt me saying that he has just 'came out' to his family and is having a bad time and needs to be alone for a few weeks while he sorts his life out, I thought that was fair and left him alone until i came back to uni, when i was back i went on msn and he was on, he said he didnt love me anymore and didnt want to be with me, he came to mine the same day so we could talk and he told me that he met someone else but nothing has happened and he has only seen him four times. He also said that he was having a baby with his friend but he didnt fancy her, he said he only wanted to be a father and that she wanted to be a mother so they are having a baby together, but im worried because she fancies him and has asked him out before but he said nothing will happen and that he just wants a child.When he was at mine he said that he was sorry and asked if i would forgive him and take him back because he said being with me made him relise how much he loved me and that he still had feeling for me and wanted to try again. Ive taken him back but i think i made a mistake ive forgave him because he said he was confused and sorry and that he doesnt have feeling for the other guy (i believe him) but ive been getting upset because he hardly ever contacts me apart from a txt every few days (he says he doesnt have time to txt me with work and uni, however he accidently sent me and all of his contacts an email that was meant to be to his freind about his hoilday, if he can talk to his friends why cant he talk to the one he 'loves') i havient seen him for two weeks since he came round to ask if ill take him back (he did say he was working all week and he does work full-time and has just started uni) but its been two weeks and ive told him he can c me before and after work, am i being to controlling or paronoid, i dont know what to do i love him but i dont think he loves me as he never calls and hardly comes around (about once a week on one of his two days off)I want to see and hear from him more and I also feel i wont be apart of his life when he has a child with someone else and that i wont matter any more, i feel as if he never thinks about me, wot should i do should i talk to him or leave him? please help me
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): hi thanks for yours replys, i think ive done the right thing and its over now, it wasnt the relationship that i wanted so me and him have stoped seeing each other, its for the best and again thanks for replying xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): Leave him. This whole thing is more trouble than its worth.He claims to "love" you, but almost never contacts you.He is having a baby with another woman - but says he doesn't love her; he just wants to be a father.He has "come out" to his family and has been/is seeing another man.He's confused, selfish - of all the poor reasons to have a baby, this has to be one of the worst: just simply to be a father, no commitment to the mother or bringing up the child. Not only that, but he's either confused about his sexual orientation, or not very honest. Lastly, if he really loved you, you'd find it difficult to get rid of him! Men who "really love" a woman (or another man) are in frequent contact.As I said, this is much more trouble than its worth. Don't even bother trying to talk to him; let it go.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): he has no intention of being with you but after making a decision to get rid of you decided he might be able to have his cake and eat it so he took you back under a new regime (i would hardly call this situation a compromise).
he could be bi, or using the girl and baby to please his family and maybe marry her using her delusion to make it work(he might tell them it was a phase, if he wanted to rebuild what he destroyed {if they disowned him, and family ties come before lovers in any normal person}), or he might have you the other man and the girl all at once. Either way when someone has a baby they devote most of their time and resources to it anyway unless they are a bad parent so this look like you are in a lose/lose/lose situation.
I would give up on this as his taking you back sounds like the beginning of a long protracted withdrawl of forward back, keep you on a string bullcrap to me. As a gay man myself i have seen that few gay men are in the same level of acceptance of themselves and there is nearly always some issues that gets in the way of them behaving straitforward and simply acting normally. I mean at this young age (i'm 22).
Either that or their so heavily into the gay scene that its offputting. I personally find false queen scene behaviour boring and shallow, and finding a normal man can be like a diamond at the beach. But beware this guy is all over the place and you can be left trailling in the wake of such a person....
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