A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 34 and have been with my bf 12 years. I am pretty sure the relationship has run its course. I really don't want to waste the 12 years we have spent together but I feel like I'm missing out on something more real and passionate. We hardly ever have sex. Maybe once a month and this has been the situation for the last 4 years or so. I bring it up all the time but he clearly isnt bothered as he never talks about it. He is the only guy I've been with. We have different interests. I am always the one arranging the trips or holidays whereas he is happy to stay at home. Our routine is work, eat, watch a series and sleep. He gets angry if I go out and come back late for tea together but I get so bored with the same routine. We tried to mix things up but it didn't last long. All his mates are married and I used to want to marry him but now I'm not sure anymore. He has left it so long it feels like it would be more expected than a romantic thing. I just don't know what to do. I know he loves me and I love him (I think) but I'm bored and feel like I'm stuck in a rut. I don't know whether to leave now and focus on me or stick with this and hope things get better. I have felt this way for a while.I don't want to hurt him. That's the thing that stops me leaving the most. Whenever I broach the subject he convinces me everything is great and things will get better but ... here I am again asking the same question. I am scared as well. It's been 12 years and he is all I've ever known. I just don't know what to do Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2020): 12 years is a long time and things do get boring. So will your next relationship after 12 years. I do believe that if you love him you can make things better but it will take both of you, working hard on having fun togehter again. IT won't get better if you do nothing.
I think someone on this site said something that stuck with me a while back. You fall in and out of love with the same person over and over and if you know that you'll stay together.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2020): Relationships can be very testing and at times run stale.
If sex has been non existent for four years it's because one of you isn't bothered about it.
At the beginning sex was exciting and now it's so routine that it never happens or so you believe!
Is it at all possible that there is a medical reason?
Your boyfriend needs a checkup to make sure that he hasn't got a problem with his prostate such as prostate cancer that makes it difficult for him to keep it up.
To get your boyfriend to agree just suggest he goes for a blood test.
He can request this before he gets to the doctors in case he gets sent to the nurse first.
It's not uncommon for the doctor or nurse to do a physical examination of the prostate by sticking some fingers up his bum and feeling the prostate gland for any growth abnormalities.
If the boyfriend would find this embarrassing he could consent just to the blood test and it helps the squeamish a lot to imagine that a sexy female nurse will draw the blood.
If the nurse is a man he may feel he can't wimp out but not want the butt exam!
Once you know his state of health you will have a better indication if the loss of libido is lack of interest on his part of a symptom of a medical condition that could threaten his life.
Cancer of the prostate is curable if caught early enough.
If it's not that (and also in cases where it is) the doctor can always prescribe viagra !
This can have a profoundly positive effect on a man's performance and ability in his sex life.
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