A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I've met a guy in June this year, we have the same interest in some activites and we have many things in common. Since we've met, we took 4 trips together, all of them wonderful. From the beginning he said he is not a serious guy and that he is a free spirit. He refused to say if he had a girlfriend when we met, but I was so pasionate that I didn't care at that moment.I have no idea if we have a relationship or not, in the true meaning of the word, because the time we spend together now is only by chating each working day, by text messages or if we meet at the organisation where I work and he is interested in. He never asks me out and I haven't met his friends. I know some of his friends know about my existence in his life. He met some of my friends and also my parents (not in my home, nothing arranged, just passing by). He teases me very often (he said he likes to make me mad, but we never had a real fight) and he is not hiding the fact that he likes women. I feel I trust him, a thing I didn't think it will happen a few months ago, because I always feel threaten by the existence of other women in his life. Also, maybe the most important thing he said is that I must have no expectation of him, because he is unforeseeable. I, as person, have many expectations from people, and this wasn't very good in the past, so I want to change that about the way I think, but I cannot do it so fast and so dramatically. When we are together things are wonderful, he is very attentive, he kisses me a lot, he hugs me and I feel loved. He also teaches me a lot of things and he asks for my advice in many things regarding his life. I know I can ask for his help when I will need it.Another paradox is that we have some plans together: he said he will take me to Italy, where he stayed for a while studying, and I have to take him to Paris. So the problems would be many, but I don't know how important they are, that's why I wanted your advice:- I have no idea if he cheats or not (he tells me about when he goes out with some of his girl friends and he said I should consider it to be bad only when he will not tell me about who he meets)- he never asks me out (I am not asking him out, because he knows I am upset by the fact he doesn't)- he didn't introduce me to his friends (he speaks often about them and I know many things about them)- from time to time he keeps reminding me he will leave and that he hopes I will not hate him- some time ago he said he is terrified by the thought I could fall in love with him and the responsability he will have. I didn't say to him I was inlove, but I am very much inlove and I think he can feel it without saying it.- maybe the least is the fact that there is no label on this relationship. I cannot introduce him to be my boyfriends because I am afraid he will feel pushed. I want to give him time to feel secure next to me (I am 4 years older than he is - 28y him, 32y me) and I have patience, but it has been 4 months and I feel very confused about all this.I like him very much, the connection we have is wonderful, but I feel he doesn't let me in his life. I thought it can be also because he likes his "gangsta" life in the hood with the boys, and I am different, with more pragmatical things in my life. Once he said he wants to be like me when he grows up. :))I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to be hurt by the player he says he is.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (12 September 2011):
 Cripes!!! He SAYS that he is a "player".... AND he behaves like one... WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED to see that you have a clearcut decision to make?????; you can either continue to be one of this guy's tarts (and sell your soul to him, while you're at it)... OR you can gather your pride and tell him to take a hike, and get on with a life.... and hope that, someday, you meet a decent guy who is deserving of you......
Good luck...
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