A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Not exactly a huge issue compared to some things on here but annoying none-the less….I don’t have children so I’m probably going to be told this is normal and im in the wrong….One of my best friends lives 40 minutes away from me. Neither of us drive so seeing each other often isn’t always possible especially there’s no direct public transport and taxis cost a fortune. She is a single parent. We do try to speak on the phone a couple of times a month, however what is really annoying is that her kids are always around - they live at home and are 22, 17 and 14 and every single time we are on the phone they interrupt her. They are old enough to know better and my friend doesn’t even tell them to stop interrupting.When they were little I completely understood but as grown ups they should know better! She is always so distracted too because of them so I know she isn’t fully listening to me which is frustrating. I have asked her if there is a better time to talk when the kids aren't around but our options are limited as we both work during the day so evenings are the only time, when her kids are home and weekends she’s always out and about. The other week I was so upset, something had happened which I needed to talk about. I texted her asking if we could talk so she called me and put me on loud speak so her kids could hear everything, not only that but they kept bugging her for silly things and then proceeded to argue amongst themselves so I could hear everything too. I politely asked my friend if she could go somewhere quiet as I didn’t want the kids knowing why I was upset.She went up to her bedroom and within 5 minutes one of them was up there trying to talk to her. She ended up leaving me on the phone for a while whilst she went to sort something out which I felt was rude.I honestly have no idea how to politely tell her that her kids are extremely distracting and annoying when we try to talk.I’ve tried to organize meals and catch ups with just the 2 of us but she ends up bringing at least 2 of the kids with her all the time and even then they monopolize the conversation. On 2 occasions I’ve invited her to go to a spa day with me- no cost to her at all and on both occasions she declined as she had to help the kids with something. A new cocktail bar opened that was close to her and I figured this would be good as there is no way the eldest kid would want to tag along and the other 2 are too young and yet again my friend made an excuse not to come as she was busy with the kids. I know plenty of people with kids and they have no issues having a social life or speaking on the phone without constantly being bombarded!! She has family close by that can help out so it’s not as if she’s completely on her own.What do I do? Am I wrong for wanting some girl time with my best friend?
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female
reader, pepper  +, writes (4 May 2024):
 Hi hunny
I can relate to your friend, my son lives with me he is in his 30's his relationship broke up. I have 3 grown up children and speak everyday also grand children... Life is manic I think things other people wouldn't think about if they don't have children. Yes you can ask your child to poke off while you are on the phone but will they at times. No.! Lol!
I Can also see your point at not having the time you need with your friend. What I would suggest is the next time you phone explain you have something important to speak about and could she phone you when she has time as its going to take awhile. I get my mates to text me make a time and sort it out that way. What sounds a little weird is the no to a spa day.. Seriously girl I'd be there with bells on lol!! One way or another you do need to find out if this friendship has run its course. People come into our lives sometimes for long periods or small either way you've both learned something from each other. Don't feel like a door mat and let people walk all over you. Another thing I know you need to talk to her maybe there are things not going right for her and she is making excuses. We never really know. Don't give up just yet. This may be fixable but the truth must be told, In the nicest way. I hope this helps a little
Take care Peps xxxxxx
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 May 2024):
 OP find a better friend.
Her kids are ALL old enough to understand that mom is on the phone, give her some privacy and space. Except, SHE never taught them?
Her kids are probably her whole World. But also, they ARE more important to her than you are.
She really doesn't seem to want to put in the effort to BE a friend.
You call her your best friend, what does she call you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2024): This truly sounds like a one sided friendship. People treat you how they feel about you, if she's not making time for you then it is what it is. Accept her actions as what they are.
If it were me, I'd stop calling/planning/etc and focus my energy on new friendships/relationships 3
best of luck, so sorry you're going through this!
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