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male
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anonymous
writes: Please help , I am in desperate need of some advice, my wife is very in-secure and refuses to get help.We have been married for 6 months and there have been always been issues and problems, even 4 months before getting married. I have known my wife now for 2 years.In the beginning I was really madly in love with her. Now I feel sad, hurt,confused and very miserable most of the time.This is her behaviour past and present -accuses me of having had “something” to do with one of her ex female friends, because unknown persons were phoning her and telling her so. I have spent the past 8 months telling her that it is not true, but she still does not believe me. She has hit me at least 8 times because of this-has physically abused me on several occasions because I spoke to a female co-worker-keeps on phoning me at work , at least 12 times in a day , if my office phone is engaged –she wants to know who I was speaking with-goes thru my cell phone and wants to know who I spoke to-goes thru my e-mail from time to time-when we go out , tells me not to look at other women, when I dont-she now dislikes my family and friends because I confided in them in the past and does not want me to see them often.-she plays mind games with me , says she is unhappy and wants to go away, when I say yes go, she says no – she will never give me a divorce-I have begged her to at least stop nagging me at work, but she wont stopShe says she is not crazy and will not see a psychologist,I must see oneShe is loving at times and uses sex to make-up after a fightWhat do I do ? ,I am running out of patience and going out of my mind
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (18 January 2006):
 Obviously your wife has been badly scarred in the past and yes she does need at least counselling if her insecurity runs so deep. You obviously love her despite how she is and for that you deserve immense credit as well as for sticking by her thus far.
If she wont go and seek help individually then maybe you could suggest couples counselling. For the sake of your own self-esteem do not admit that you need help, just couch it in terms of 'the relationship'.
However this situation cannot be allowed to continue and you must assert yourself and i have to say that you must be prepared to push this all the way, even to the point of, if only temporaily, splitting with her. I suspect she is beyond the point where begging her and appealing to her better nature will work. Only a descisive and firm stand will work.
Although this may sound odd this is also in her interests. Somewhere deep inside her still is the person you love. Never forget that but don't let that fact weaken your stand. That person is buried somewhere below her insecurities and fear's which are making her into a person she is not. Be strong for the person you love. Hope that helps and all goes well.
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