A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my gf has been giving me blowjobs in replace for sex since shes not ready but is prefectly fine with that but i know shes afraid because her first time with her ex he was really rough and hurt her very badly she soon broke up with him and fell for me. i know i cant force her into anything but how can i reassure her i will be gentle and try not to make it hurt as much we've talked about positions but we cant figure out what would have her more relaxed advice / help please?
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female
reader, MT19  +, writes (25 November 2008):
I agree with the above two answers completely,
1) Its very important for you to start giving her pleasure in return for what she does for you
2) When she does finally decide that she is ready take it slow and stop immediatley if she says you are hurting her.
The only couple of things that i would add are
- She is more likely to feel ready if her self esteem is high, reasure her that you think she is amazing for precisley who she is.
- When the time finally comes she will be very nervous make sure you choose a place to do it where you both feel very relaxed and confortable.
Good Luck !
A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (25 November 2008):
 Sure. Well you are very young, but so was I when my sexual experience began about 45 years ago. In my opinion, you are in an enviable position but it does need at least gradual improvement. I think you may need to begin by returning oral pleasures for her. You mentioned nothing about how you satisfy her needs, so I must assume that it is a one-sided relationship as far as sexual satisfaction is concerned. That will eventually prove to be a dead-end street. So, my suggestion is to sweetly begin pleasuring her with cunnilingus (oral sex for the female), and you can find ample information on this Web site by searching the archives. Simply enter words and terms like: cunnilingus, oral sex, clitoris, G-spot, fingering, orgasm and others in the search field above.
If you learn to gently please your girl by fingering her G-spot, and eventually providing orgasms with a talented tongue, I think that she will soon forget the terrible experience with the jerk. Check my column for specifics about inducing female orgasms and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): well since her ex hurt her and was rough with her. It may take her a little bit to become relaxed or comfortable with you. All i can say is be patient with her she'll come around may not be any time soon. But the time will come where she is relaxed and ready to have sex again. But since that experience with her ex was so bad it's going to take some time! Just keep telling her that you'll be gentle! And when the day comes that she feels comfortable enough to do it then take it slow and tell her to tell you if you are hurting her and if so stop. Don't keep going thats the worst thing you can do. I have been in her shoes so i know what she is going through. My experience was a little different though..but still kinda the same. This may take some time so just be patient.
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