A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Here's the background: I have a cousin living in another city, whom I got to know when I was posted there for a short stint. Though we haven't known each other for long, we got along very well from the beginning and I got to know his family as well. Unfortunately, his wife, to whom he was extremely close to, passed away very suddenly about a year ago. Initially I did call and visit, and I thought he was coping, and that he had support from his friends and family.We have been in contact intermittently through the months, but just 2 months ago, I saw a photo of him and he looked terrible. From a mutual acquaintance, I found out he's suddenly lost a lot of weight, isn't well, and is extremely moody and irritable. He never demonstrated any of that moodiness to me on the phone, so it came as somewhat of a shock.I took a trip over and spent a week with him. Initially he was very withdrawn and moody as everyone described. But over the week, he did seem to open up a little and was more of his old self. After I returned home, I kept in contact by calling once a week and we were also exchanging emails. He seems pretty happy when I call, and he does talk, about 45min to an hour.This has been going on for over a month, but just recently, when I rang, right up front he mentioned that guys don't like chatting on the phone unlike girls. So I asked directly if he'd rather I didn't call, he said he preferred email. I'm cool with that, but he did continue to talk for another 45min…though he sounded irritable with the world at large.Unfortunately he's not exactly replying his emails either lately. So I'm just really worried about him (he's not very proactive about his own health at the moment) but I'm not sure how far I can reach out and how far is too invasive. I'm fairly introverted, so I always feel like i'm invading, such as the phone calls etc. Should I just let him be as he seems to request, or try and reach out again after a couple of weeks? Just wondering if there are others in his position or mine, who could advise me, many thanks!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 May 2012):
 Well he has made it clear he does not like speaking on the phone, don't take this personal it is just the way he is feeling, so I would recommend not calling him again. I know you are wanting to be there for him but I think the best thing to do is to just write him an email and tell him you are always there if he needs to talk and that you want him to know that and to feel free to email you whenever he wants. Then I would just leave it at that and see how he responds. If he does not email after that then I think your best bet is to give up. You cannot do any more than that, if he wants help he will ask for it when the time is right.
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