A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HI. I am am really needing some help with letting go of my ex-girlfriend. We were together off and on for over a year. We both have been wounded, just like everyone else, and obviously carry unresolved issues into the relationship. In the 14 months we were together, she has broken up with me 4 times. She moved in with me and one month later in December moved out, got back together with me 2 weeks later, things are good. She asked me to mvoe with her to SA Texas when she started her new job. We were planning a future together. Then in April, she does the same thing. Says we want different things, she is selfish, wants to be single, etc.Both times she moved out, she was online looking for another fling or whatever, the very next day. I caught her both times and was assured after the 1st time it would never happen again. Long story short, she got into counseling, things were going well, but since May-we got back together again-I have been angry. About everything from the past. I would make sideways comments, not communicate well, get on her case for every little thing. All the while, her telling me that she would never do something like she has done in the past again, she wouldn't just walk, etc. I feel like a total fool as I have allowed this to happen. Problem is, that I am so deeply in love, more than I have ever been-I am 31 and have experience in relationships-and she is my best friend. She just broke up with me a few days ago, and will not speak to me, at all. Just to say it isn't working out and she just left like she always does. Does anyone have any advice at all???I feel very much alone and to blame as most things are put back on me for the relationship failing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): I'm in a very similiar situation, i fell in love with my best friend and we were together about 5 months when he told me its wasnt going to work. he stopped talking to me for about a week and then came back and told me he loved me to and wanted to be with me. so this has went on for about 4 more months and he leaves again only this time i discover he is with someone else. He tells me he still loves me but we cant be together even though that is what we both want. i've finally realized im just a cushion or something to fall back on when other relationshipos havent worked out. i love him more than anything but i would never take him back. he has broke my heart to many times and ive hit rock bottom to many times. just dont let your heart over rule your head. you know its going to keep happening and it will never change. do you really want to be someones cushion until they get bored and go roaming again?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your responses. Not that it makes a difference, but she is 28 and I am 31. She has never been in a long term relationship with a woman though, she has had flings, short term things, but never met anyone she wanted to be with, until me. Not much of an age difference. We have talked off and on the last few days and her exact words to me yesterday were "Why do you think I left? You made me feel like an idiot and belittled me" So, in her eyes, I am to blame for things. Despite that I was hurting from what had happened in April and would say jerky things at times-that isn't in my character at all, but I felt like I had been pushed around enough to where I felt like I needed to protect myself this time around.
I guess you are right-her past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior. I turn the other cheek too often and I just wish I had the strength to do it this time.
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A
female
reader, c-wahoo +, writes (24 July 2008):
It's not just your fault. I agree that she doesn't know what she wants. Sounds that maybe she still wants freedom of "younger days"(I don't know her age).
Maybe if you were to get back together you should have separate places and just date. Don't live together. Still have separate lives, you do your thing and she hers. That would at least stop the dwelling limbo.
Look at her past behavior which is usually a good predictor of future behavior.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBy the way, I forgot to mention that we are both women. Dynamics are a bit different versus a man and a woman.
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