A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem that's been irritating me. I never feel I'm beautiful. My friends keep telling me that I'm pretty and even a lot of guys have been interested in me and said I'm attractive but I've never felt that way. I know it's lack of self-confidence. The question is how can I get rid of it? I always feel that I have to lose weight "although I'm not over-weight", get new outfits to be pretty. Nothing makes me satisfied about myself. I don't like even to take photos because of that. Can you help me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all ... Your answers really helped me. I'll do my best to work on my goals and focus on having more self-confidence and believe in my abilities .... Thanks so much :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): Put yourself out there first...that is...love yourself and beleive in yourself. You are a beautiful person. But importantly, do you like who you are? How well do you know yourself? Do things for yourself. What od you like to do? What do you enjoy doing? Where od you see yourself in five years? How about in ten years? Do you enjoy what life has to offer?
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A
female
reader, viona  +, writes (18 February 2011):
Hey, i was just like you. Although iam beautiful but i always feels that iam not pretty..I know alot of girls who are not beautiful in shape, but i can see alot of guys around them you know why??
because they got a great self confidence which is reflected on the others..they will see you beautiful because of your self esteem and confidence.here we have a pretty girl with no confidence, nobody 'll ever see you beautiful because of your inside..
walk straight keep telling your self God created me in the best ever shape..I know iam pretty..gain your self confidence again step by step..i bet you are pretty ;)listen to Ambersand she is amazing :)
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (18 February 2011):
To like they way you look takes self confidence and self acceptance. You are lucky enough to be considered attractive, but even people who are not stereotypically attractive can still have great self confidence and acceptance of themselves physically, and this is important as you no doubt understand.
Our opinion of ourselves is very heavily influenced from the outside, of what other people think of us, and over time this shapes how we feel about ourselves. But why should we listen to people who people who think negatively of us rather than the ones that think positively of us? Whos opinion counts? The influence of the media is constantly telling us we need to be more beautiful, thinner, better, etc, rather than just learning to love who we are. There is pressure from the media, from members of the opposite sex, and members of the same sex.
At the end of the day, not everyone is going to find us attractive. Some will, some won't. What is more important is that we learn to accept ourselves for who we are, in all our aspects, and our physical appearance is no exception. The only way to do this is to foster and develop a positive image of ourselves, and to not be affected by other peoples opinions of us.
If you see a movie and you love it, and ten other people who you know see it and all hate it, are you going to change your mind and hate the movie? Hopefully not, it is ok for you to like the movie and accept that others don't like it but not let that change you. Your feelings towards yourself can be the same.
In terms of changing your self image from positive to negative, think about where you have recieved negative responses to how you look, and to who you are. Ask yourself why it is that you don't like how you look. Why not? Why do you need to measure up to a particular standard? Try to realise that there is nothing wrong with you, that we don't need to measure up to arbitrary standards of beauty that are set for us, that we are just fine as we are. If you can start to accept yourself, and not listen to the negativity that you give yourself and recieve from the outside, your self confidence will start to improve. People are not important for what they look like, they are important for who they are. Start to like lots of things about yourself, its not hard, we all have lots about ourselves to like :)
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 February 2011):
 So many young girls have no self esteem or confidence and it can be very hard to gain these things in our world today, expecially since we are surrounded by air brushed photos of girls that seem perfect and we feel like we are not. But i dont think your problem stems from your image i think it stems for you as a person, it sounds like you dont like yourself in total. A few first steps to try and help yourself would be:
* One way to gain confidence in yourself is by setting yourself goals in life, after these are complete then you will feel a bit better about yourself. Now sit down and write a list of goals. They dont need to be anything major they could be simple like ringing a friend or agreeing to do housework or clean the car by a certain time. once you follow them through you will gain confidence in yourself without realising.
* Think of hobbies that you like to do to pass the time? Everyone has things they love to do, so am sure you can think of a few...maybe swimming? Painting? Writing? Figure out what your passions are and start doing them. If you love painting then you will get a great sence of achievement if you join a artist club or if you like being out and about join a sports club or even a dancing club, something that will make you feel like you have achieved something.
* Also accept compliments. Try and believe them as much as you can because if someone gives you a compliment they arent just going to say it, most of the time they truely mean it, and you need to just smile at them and say thank you, dont tell them you dont believe them as it will get them frustrated.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (18 February 2011):
 Here's what you are going to do...
1. Have a nice soak in the bath, wash your hair, shave your legs and exfoliate. Moisturise once out of the bath.
2. Invite the girls round, tell them to bring make up, hair stuff (curling irons/straighteners, bobble, flowers, grips etc), nail polish, tan (if you use it) and outfits, shoes and accessories. Get them to bring wine and snacks too.
3. When your friends get round, put on some music you can dance around to, get everyone to hit the wine (or soft drinks) and paint each others nails (toes and fingers) get the false tan out if needs be, do each others make up and hair, put on a few outfits and have a good time.
4. If you are up for it, go out and hit a few bars whilst looking gorgeous and have a great night with your friends!! Do challenges when you get out. Each friend picks another friend to do a task, eg, get a guy to buy them a drink, or dance on the podium in the club/bar. They could be random challenges like doing the funky chicken in the middle of the dance floor or something!!! I did this with my brother years ago, and i tell you what it was bloody good fun!!! He asked me to get 3 guys phone numbers that night, and i didn't call/text any of them, it was just about having the confidence in myself to get them.
More nights like this with the girls will be so much fun and hopefully you will start to feel better. Go out and exercise more, walking is a good way to get out and about and keep fit aswell. Good luck hun, i hope i helped!
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