A
female
age
36-40,
*olovley
writes:Hi guys so I have been in a relationship for 5 years. The constant problems that we are having and have had in the past I feel are going to end us. Logically it is the right move to end the relationship but deep down inside I have this nagging feeling that he is the one. We get each other in a way I can’t imagine with anyone else. I guess my question is has anyone been in a similar situation, is it real connectedness or is it just because I have been in love with him for 5 years? I would love to hear some inspirational stories of people who left relationships that had a bit of love left in them but turned out to be the right choice in the end. Thanks for reading im in a really confusing place right now x Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): Yee get each other because you've been together 5 years, that's all there is too.
The definition of 'the one' for me is one that ticks ALL the boxes and he doesn't for you, you have too many problems and I suspect they're the same problems that keep surfacing and will keep on surfacing.
you've been together through the most formative years of your adult life to date, so it's understandable that you'd know each other inside and out, this cannot be mistaken for him being the one. It's just familiarity.
You're worried that you will not find this with anyone else but that's not true. You will never find anyone that understands your life for the past 5 years better than him and at the moment he knows you better than anyone. But this is like anything, I had a girlfriend from the age of 16 to 19 and no one in my life will understand better than her who I was for those 3 years, the things I experienced and how I was but that was only a small portion of my life.
My current girlfriend is with me 3 years now and knows who I am now and for the past 3 years better than anyone, but should we break up then there'll be someone new to share my life with.
What makes my current girlfriend 'the one' for me is everything about our relationship. We don't really have any major problems, the biggest being her refusal to see the benefits of having her own facebook profile, she uses mine to see who's doing what, message and chat with people, she uses it more than me hehe. The fecker even had the cheek to pretend to be me once on it and try play a trick on my friend by teling him in a long converstaion that I had always had feelings for him and was gay haha.
Any problems we do have get sorted before they even become an issue.
Don't mistake familiarity and comfort as a sign of him being the one, he cannot possibly be the one if you feel the only logical action for you to take is to break up. Don't be afraid that you won't find this kind of closeness and familiarity again. You will and maybe the next guy truly will be the 'the one'. G'Luck.
A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (3 June 2010):
 I don't believe in soulmates or 'the one' myself, but for argument's sake, he can't be 'the one' if you think the relationship should logically end. Obviously complicated emotions are involved, but in reality that nagging feeling is hesitation in leaving a situation that in spite of its problems, is comfortable and familiar. Just because you can't imagine connecting with someone else on such a deep level doesn't mean it's impossible.
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