A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married for 2 and a half years and we have a wonderful son who is going to turn 2 in april. When my son turned one I started getting this feeling that it was time to have another baby. This feeling grew stronger over time and eventually I shared this with my husband. I'll jsut say that it didn't go well and so I decided to give it a few months and then I would see what I was feeling and try talking about it again. Well, this feeling has grown like crazy. I feel like God gives you a nudge when he wants your attention or to help you think about something, and then he gives your shoulder a push and then he throws you down on the floor in order to catch your attention and get you to litsen to him. I have definitly been pushed down and I really know that it is time to start trying for a baby again. I have talked many times with my husband and He feels like he isn't ready. He is a big worrier when it comes to finances (even if we are good in our financial status) and feels like he needs to get through a little more school and then he will be ready. He has also told me that he just wants to be young and have freedom in his life and I feel like if he wanted the degree of freedom that he talks about he should have not asked me to marry him. we already have a son, so I am not sure of what freedom he thinks he will loose if we have another. (neither of us have freedoms right now!) How do I help him understand that the sooner we have our kids the sooner we can have those "freedoms" together. before I type more I should let you know that we are both 21 years old. We both want about three kids I just want them sooner and he wants them way later - 4 or 5 years later. I feel like I am trapped in my birth control and I hate the idea of it inside me preventing me from having another baby, I would never take it (my IUD) out without his knowledge and support, I just don't know what to do. I feel like I have compromised a lot b/c I have waited as long as I have... Please Help!
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female
reader, Dawnie  +, writes (10 March 2008):
 I can completely understand you wanting another child. When my son was 1 i felt i would like another child, my husband disagreed, saying finances etc. We waited and i had our daughter when our son was 5, and you know what it was great because i had plenty of time with each of them in the early years. When my son went to school his little sister arrived and i was able to devote my time to her and still have time for my son when he came home from school. You have plenty of time to have another child, i was 23 when i had my son and 28 when my daughter was born, it worked so well. Also if you have the children close together you can feel very tired and drained, i know of a couple of people with 18 months between theirs and they were like zombies for the first couple of years. You want to enjoy each child as much as possible and i found that worked for me. Your husband does sound very sensible in what he is saying, it's worth waiting for believe me.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 March 2008):
 I don't know about Malaysia, but we sure do have a lot of Welfare mothers here in the states. I think God respects human volition and so mankind is free to make good as well as poor decisions. I think this husband is being very realistic and practical and is showing great love for his family.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (10 March 2008):
 Children are a blessings from God.
If God can give you children , he will provide you the means .
This is what I belief.
There is an interesting article here on sex and children from a Christian perspective.
http://www.nfpoutreach.org/Sex.htm
My daughter married at 19 and now she has three children 5,4,3 and she is now only 25.
They are a blessings and she never regretted them.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 March 2008):
I'd respect your husband's feeling on this for awhile, you have plenty of time to have another baby. Let your husband finish school, after all 21 is still quite young and perhaps he wants to focus on his education and career before taking on the responsibility of yet another life. I think he is being very reasonable and responsible here. I know you don't want to hear this honey but you have plenty of time. Try to relax and enjoy your bouncing baby boy and your loving husband who trying to insure a bright future for all of you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): First off, understand that men and women are different. Sure you probably have picked up the most obvious differences by now, but the need to breed is a HUGE one. Your entire body is geared towards reproducing and you are juiced up with hormones to make you want kids. This is needed because no sane creature would EVER be pregnant if they were fully in control of their mental faculties. Come one, be honest, pregnancies are horrible and delivering the kid seems to be uncomfortable (I am man, I can only go by hearsay) and then there are all those things that are To Much Information, like sore nipples and hemeroids.
And you still want another...
Your man doesn't have these feelings. Sorry, but the pregnancy is little more to us then a nice looking woman turning into a whale. When the baby is born there may be a connection but mostly while you are getting swamped with hormones while breastfeeding your husband sees the bills.
You are both very young and he is still in school? I am not suprised he is worried. Try to remember that as the "man" he has to take care of both of you and the childeren. Think of it as sweet, would you like it if he didn't worry about how to take care of his family?
Examine for yourselve wether he is right, put your hormones on hold for a while (oh god, if only there was a way to do that, flip a swich on a woman and the hormones stop :p ) and go through the finances together. He may be right that you two just ain't got the money.
He might feel the kid restricts him, kids do that, do you still do the things you did before? Take holidays, spend an evening out etc etc? You might have fitted smoothly into your new role as a mother, but you are a wife and girlfriend too. Accept that you will have X+1 childeren, X being the one you had in your womb, and +1 being the guy you married, he needs your attention too. Some women can start to ignore their husband, sure you are extremely busy with a kid, but guys need attention too.
Does he get to bond with the kid? You breastfeed and have had the baby inside for months and you are filled with hormones to increase the bond. He doesn't have that, I personally didn't really fully bond with my kids until they were old enough to react, till I could play with them, become a father, not just a diaper changer and payer of bills. It is not PC to say, but before that they were just, well babies. Any protective feelings were pretty generic, no more then I would feel for any other baby. Mind you that was a different age, men weren't allowed to be part of it all like now.
Remember, he does want more kids, but later. That doesn't help your burning hormones, but it means you and he are roughly in agreement.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): This really rings home.
When my daughter was about 1 year old I too felt this overwhelming urge to have our next child. I discussed this with my partner and he told me he wasnt ready. I respected his choice although these feelings got stronger and stronger. I have always wanted my children close together and like you once they are older we will be in a position to share our freedom together again.
Anyway, like some bizarre force of nature, I fell pregnant, I don't know how but we were both delighted.
I often wonder whether our paths are out of our hands...in this case it certainly seems that way.
What I am trying to say is you must respect your husbands uncertainty, when the time is right it will happen - even against the odds. Waiting might not be a bad thing, especially if you will be in a better position.
I think you need to clarify why it is your husband wants to wait, what his worries are, what his plans are and exactly when he feels he will bw ready. Be realistic and ask him to try and understand that he should respect your feelings as you have respected his. Find a compromise. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): First off I feel like I should thank you. It seems like many women these days are willing to go off of birth control and "oops" their partners into having a child. Waiting until your husband is ok with this shows a great amount of will power and may God continue to bless you with it.
Now about this problem. I think you should talk with your husband and find out if he has some sort of goal in mind that he would like to accomplish before he has another child. Could it be that he wants to complete his schooling or have a certain amount of money saved up? Or maybe he is put off by the idea of dealing with both a toddler and a baby at the same time and wants to separate them a bit?
As for his freedoms, he is may be feeling overwhelmed. A child can many times drive people away from each other. He may be sensing this and not want to risk drifting farther away. Just as you feel trapped by birth control he may feel trapped by the child you already have and the idea of another to be. You say that neither of you are free, maybe a night away with just the two of you will help him and you see that you can be free (if only for a little while).
Outside of that advice I can only encurage you to pray about it.
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