A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:If you've been married for two years and you dont love your partner any more because you got married too soon (but dont talk to your partner about this) and you know you've made a big mistake, how do you tell your partner that you want a divorce? How do you get out of it without complications?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): divorce is always messy. sometimes one spouse invests too much in it and the other one destroys it. if there is a third party involved, it will be even messier and she will blame you. but end it sooner rather than later so that the wife can heal and then move on. seems like you have moved on already.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): sorry i meant 'her' not 'him
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 September 2009):
 If you don't have children you two might be able to get an annulment. You would have to see an attorney for that.
Be honest with her. Living a lie is never good for anyone.
I don't know how to avoid "complications" with a divorce, unless she feels the same way.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 September 2009):
 If you are dead set on a divorce then you need to speak with a lawyer. Ending a marriage always has complications but a lawyer will be most helpful, expensive but most helpful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): Sorry about your situation. The same thing happened to me. I went a saw a councellor (alone) and explained the situation to her. She then recommended that my husband and I go in and do some sessions (not to help us get back together but to ease the seperation process).
It was a very difficult thing to do since my husband was a wonderful guy and my best friend, I just wasn't in love with him (we got married young and for the wrong reason).
Just remember that its not your fault and try not to feel guilty. You may feel bad that you are hurting him but its the best (and most selfless) thing to do by letting him go.
All the best to you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): Step 1. Create Time Machine
Failing that, I'd say the fact that you "dont talk to your partner about this" is Issue 1-A. How long has it been since you didn't love you partner? Few months? A year? More? Since the taxi ride to the airport on your honeyoon? You have no right to challenge her on any emotional ground if you yourself aren't sure where you stand. Do you feel nothing when you think about her? Did you ever? I'm not trying to be vindictive, but marriage for anyone ought to take more effort than it does, and its very easy to become enamored with a person and feel marriage is just the next logical step. It's not. It's one path that might get you closer to happiness. No guarentees of course, anywhere, but depending on your religious and cultural background, it may seem like all that's left in life to accomplish. Without it, your drive for all things, especially your wife, declines. Don't view marriage as this inseverable bond that will surely destroy you both should you be loosed from its grip. Marriage is only a representation of two people's love and commitment, and bringing those intangible emotions into the physical world, so those around you can bear witness to the love that so enriches your life. This, beyond bridesmaids dresses, and rings, and who does the laundry, it the value of marriage. If those things aren't there, you have no right to further abuse the security of the institution into which you have entered. As for divorce without complications, thats like trying to make an omelet without making an omelet.
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