A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. I am 24 he is 28. About 3 years ago he started to go on a lot of meds due to an injury.(long term injury)Long story short about 6 months or so after he started taking the meds his sex drive was almost totally gone. we went from sex atleast 5 + times a month to well maybe once a month.I noticed I was the one always intiating the sex, and one time I got so sick of being the one intiating, I stopped to see what he would do if I stop making the first move. well he didn't have sex with me for 5 months :(I have talked to him about it and asked him about it, I told him how its beeing making me feel unwanted, he always says its the meds, also since being on the meds his been depressed on and off and I don't think that has helped either.now this is the interesting part, before he was on the meds I knew he use to get off at porn, no I didn't like it that much but we had an active sex life so I did not complain, now over the last 6 months I have come across that he has started getting off again while I am not at home, just last week alone at least 6 times that I know of.now tell me this, how can someone who has no sex drive get off to porn? I don't care if its porn on the computer or magazines or whatever I just don't like that he says he has no sex drive from meds yet when I am at work he gets off to porn. this seems like he is just lying to me so he does not have to have sex with me.I have noticed over the last 4 months we have been arguing a lot also, most of it's him picking little things to have a huge fight about. I just feel really well not wanted.it was only 2 weeks ago that I discussed this topic with him, I did not say I knew about the porn but I told him how I felt like he aviods me, once again he said its the meds.he told me once during an argument only recently, that if having sex was so important to me he told me to just go have some private lady time or go look at some porn. this made me very sad, he would rather me look at porn and pleasure myself then go to him.I don't know what else I can do, I feel like I am just being used and lied to.
View related questions:
at work, depressed, porn, sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010): I understand how you feel cause my boyfriend is exactly the same way and does the exact same things. I wondered why he was ok to look at porn but not ok to touch me over and over again. I cant say the problem is corrected but I do bring it up and he continues to promise ( over the last two years) that that will change real soon...makes a girl wonder???
A
female
reader, Pip24d  +, writes (9 February 2010):
Yea by the way he is acting u need to give him to options to either talk and respect you and treat you the way you deserve or that the relationship will be over. I know it may be hard to do this but u need to respect yourself
...............................
A
female
reader, tazmania2  +, writes (9 February 2010):
"The problem here is that he feels pressured and disrespected by you. You are bothering him about sex, when that's not what your relationship should be based on"
What planet are you on? Pressurised, disrespected? The guy needs a good kick up the arse. In fact men wanking off to porn in leaving their partners out in the cold is happening way too often. It's not natural and it's not healthy.
Leave him on his computer, let him toss to his hearts content. Go somewhere else, he's not worth it!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess I don't understand why he would be pressured.
I think I have only spoken to him about this problem maybe 3 times in the last 2 and a half years.
I sometimes suggest for both of us to go places and do things together, but sadly he would rather spend most of his day sleeping in to the afternoon, then spend the rest of the time in front of a computer screen.
he will often come up with reasons like, we dont have enough money or he has stuff to finish off so he does not have to do things with me.
Often I get the feeling that he does not like me, and sometimes I get this feeling like he only stays with me because he has no one else, I feel used and lied too.
its not only the lie about no sex drive that has made me sad but its also his recent activity on a dating website that bothers me.
I asked him about his activities on the dating site, and then he threaten to leave me, he didn't but its left me feeling used.
...............................
A
female
reader, Pip24d +, writes (8 February 2010):
The problem here is that he feels pressured and disrespected by you. You are bothering him about sex, when that's not what your relationship should be based on. He feels like he can't connect to u anymore the same way so he can't have a sexual relationship with you. You two need to spend time together, enjoying each others company and remembering why you trust and like each other, and don't pressure this time with sex. Just comfort and reconnect with him on a nonsexual level.
...............................
|
