A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband has had depression for twenty years and changed jobs got better but is slowly slipping backwards I have suggested he put in for ver but he just won't our whole married life I have had to be parent to our 4 children with little or no help from my husband he treats me like I am an utter idiot I have had several very life treatening health risks and he still thinks I should be doing everything on my own. Several years ago I put myself in the phyche unit at the hospital with a nervous breakdown since then he has told me I am a fat ugly slob up till last year I worked 50-60 hours a week and full time Uni finishing 2 of my three degrees and looking after kids and a home which was emaculate, the young man who had autism I had been working with died suddenly he was like my best friend he saw things other people didn't and I did some of my best work with him and acheived a lot more than anyone had ever done with this man he felt he was an equal and nobody could ever see the good or the potential for him. After his death and I had finished uni for the year I decided to defer the last year of my law degree and take time out for myself, I had major abdo surgery and have lost 51kgs and my husband still insists I am useless he is in a job where he works for the government years ago I tried to leave him and he said he knew where the womens shelter was through his work so he knew where I would be he blames me for our 15 year old geting pregnant and I keep telling him he was busy doing nothing he could have done something but he says it's not his job to look after his children he expects everybody else to do it and yet he works for family services and yet he can't even help his own family. Does any body have any insight into what I should do I am at wits end.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): If anyone has anything to be depressed about then it's you, not him! It pretty much sounds like hell for you. He might be depressed but he needs to understand that it isn't fair to make the rest of you feel the same. If he is depressed he needs to see a doctor to find the root of the problem - if he gets that sorted his mood might lift, making things easier for everybody else. Sometimes when people are low about themselves they find reasons to put others down to make themselves feel paper. But he's picking you to pieces and that's not on. I understand getting him to see a doctor may be far easier said than done, perhaps you should get the doctor to come over rather than take him to the surgery.
He sounds very dependant, like a child, and he needs to learn to look after himself and have some responsibility.
It sounds to me like you are desperately looking for a way out. If he knows where the shelter is, is there another one further away that you can go to or a friend or relative somewhere that you can stay with? If not you could go to the police station and ask for advice - if you have to go to the local shelter they can make sure your husband doesn't enter. If his workplace found out they might not want to employ him so if you get away maybe you could inform his boss of this behaviour.
He's not doing you or your kids any good so I think you would all be better off without him. Ask the police for help to get away. He should seek help but getting him to see that won't be easy but maybe someone from the hospital could talk to him.
Good luck =]
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