A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have known this man for over three years, for over two years we would talk to each other all the time, mainly by text and email, in the last year it has stopped. This is where it gets confusing, we work together and whenever we are in the same place he will watch me the whole time, he constantly stares at me, deep intense stares sometimes smiling, other times not, he doesn't look away and it is mainly eye contact, he will sometimes check out my body, but mainly he stares at my face. There was a group of us from work that went out for drinks, and we spent the night staring at each other, then half way through the night we were talking together and we ended up just staring in each others eyes for about five minutes, without saying anything, and smiling, he reached out and stroked my face, and then walked away. It was the first time he has ever been affectionate to me. He knows I have feelings for him. Now he won't talk to me at all, but the staring and the watching and the intense eye contact are still there. He also gets extremely jealous if I talk to another guy. Why? [Moderator Note: 2 questions combined into 1]We are both single, and I have been very upfront with him about my feelings, he knows that I care for him deeply. He once said to me he couldn't give me what I want. After that I backed off, which resulted in us not contacting each other at all. Now he won't even talk to me at work, which hurts. The intense, deep and prolonged eye contact and watching are still there, all the time. He also gets extremely jealous if I talk to another man, recently, he told myself and another male work colleague that we need to stop smiling at each other, because he can feel the sexual tension between us, there is no sexual tension between me and this other guy, firstly the other guy is engaged to be married, and secondly I only see the guy as a friend. He is my manager, and he is very professional at work, except for the constant watching and staring and checking me out, other people in the office have noticed, and asked me what is going on, I just play dumb, but he will hide behind things so that he can watch me without being noticed, which isn't working. Most of the time it is with a smile, but sometimes he won't smile, I'm not afraid of him, it just doesn't make any sense. I would just like peoples opinions on what they think it means when a man stares like this at a woman? Why would he watch me on and off all day, to the point that other people have noticed. He has a few times acted nervous around me, I'm just not understanding what is going on, can one help me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (3 November 2014):
 He's your manager? This has personal and professional disaster written all over it!
Back off. Find another job. Then you can ask him out.
I expect he's hoping to hang on to his job without sexual harassment charges being leveled against him.
You sound a bit, er, well, um, obsessed. What else is happening in your life?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2014): He said he couldn't give you what you want. What more do you need?You have told him about your feelings. And he won't even talk to you?Sure, he can look at you. He may find you attractive. Men find many women attractive. But that does not necessarily mean they want to be in a relationship with them.AND he is your MANAGER. Be very careful about work relationships. They can be very messy if a break up happens. Trust me. You do not want that. Even what you are doing now is probably causing more drama than necessary at work.If he was really INTO YOU, he would be behaving differently. But he has given you every sign that he is not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. It does not matter whether or not he is staring or if co-workers notice him staring. None of this means anything. He has not done anything about it by asking you out and in fact has even gone a step further by telling you he will never ask you out. ie. He can't give you what you want.So, try to let this go. Go about your own business. Be friendly with him when necessary but do not go out of your way to converse or socialize with him. It will make things much easier. It may seem hard now but as time goes on, you will find more peace. About his "jealousy" issues, talk to whoever you wish. Who cares if he is jealous. He does not want to be with you. And you ARE single, well within your rights to speak with or go out with whoever you want. If he made the decision not to be with you, then he is going to have to back off completely. Can't have it both ways. And you should not be walking on eggshells around him. He is NOT your boyfriend. He is just a work acquaintance.Who knows? Your moving on and being HAPPY instead of moping around after him could be the trigger to him asking you out if he did want to go that route. But either way, just live your life and be happy, regardless of what he is doing. Show him what he is missing! You can do it! Hope you go out and meet new people outside that environment. It will help you take your mind off him.Good luck. :)
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