A
female
age
30-35,
*isa G.
writes:(Mod note: language has been slightly moderated) Hi,I am so sorry for this long story but I really need some words to console me.I was dating a guy for the last 15 months. It was my first relationship and I really wanted to have a future with him. He was the first guy in my life and I loved him like anything. But, things were not the same for him. He had a girlfriend before me and he wanted to marry her as they were dating each other for 4 years. Later on that girl dumped him and didn’t give any reason for this. This guy, whom I was dating, was just a friend to me before. I was aware of his relationship to that girl. He shared his feelings for her to me, and told everything about that girl and their breakup. He was really having a hard time after the breakup.After 3-4 months, he started trying on me, I thought he is kidding but he told me that he is serious about me and likes me. I don’t know why but I also got serious about him. He only proposed me and I said yes. But later on I found out that he was still into his ex. He visited her profile on fb, he tried to know each and everything about her even after their breakup. That girl blocked him on whatsapp and he revert her back, even he blocked her and when that girl unblocked him he also did the same. They were playing this game of blocking n unblocking from long back. I confronted him that if he still has feelings for her then he can tell it to my face as I’ll walk away from his life. But he always cried and said he has no feelings for her and asked for another chance. I always gave him an another chance as I was just madly in love with him. But this time it was too much, I found that even after 14 months of relationship he messaged his ex and asked her to be his friend. He said his happiness is gone with her; she was and is everything for her. He also messaged to his best friend saying that he still loves that girl and need her. If it was so what the hell was he doing with me for so long? He sent mine and his pics to her saying that he is over her. I asked him to tell everything to my face but he didn’t. I asked him about this as well and he said he never wanted to be her friend he just wanted to screw her happiness. He said he loves me and forget that who she is. This time I broke up with him, he said same thing to me that his happiness is gone with me. I don’t have any second thought about my decision, I know what I did is the best for me. He doesn’t deserve my love so I left him. But I am not able to get over him. It’s been 2 months and I tried my best to forget him but I am not able to do so. I spent time with my family, reading inspirational books and everything but still somewhere in my heart I constantly think about him. I feel like why the hell he did this to me. That girl is playing with him and trying to distract him, one day she blocks him on fb and other day she will unblock him. Why? PLEASE HELP!!¬¬
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2014): Hi,
Love is so hard & confusing. I've been heartbroken a number of times and left standing at the alter as well.
In my experience, you did the right thing: break up. The challenge will be to not take him back. He needs to find a way to deal with his feelings for her before he tries to love someone else. Otherwise, (excuse the imagery) she will always be in bed with you. Neither one of you will be happy.
Then there is always the what ifs. What if he continued to pursue the other girl and a year or two she has a change of heart...then what? Yes, its a what if but it happened to me.
At the end of the day, what makes you happy? Is he your dream of a husband? If he is not, then don't bother with him in that regard. If you are comfortable, be a support for him and a friend. But as you said, he doesn't deserve your love.
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