A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a question. I was supported by a good friend during a very painful breakup. He and I became a little more than friends as we talked multiple times a day. He decided after we talked to come out to Arizona to meet me for a four day weekend. It was love at frist sight and the four day weekend was magical. He met my parents and I took him to places he had never been. Such magic in a short amount of time. As soon as he returned back to N.Carolina we continued to talk multiple times a day. Soon I was the adornment on his truck dashboard. He told all his family and friends all about his wonderful trip, made a photo ablum, and I even talked to his mom while he was out here. We had plans that in October I was going to move there with him. During out entire time talking etc. He bought me a truck and spent 2 months restoring it for me so I could sell my car and not have car payments. As soon as he got back to N.Carolina almost two weeks later he called me and asked what time I take lunch and right there he bought a round trip ticket to come back and see me. It was a very quick trip leaving on Friday returning Sunday; he just couldn't wait until August to see me he said. After that I bought my one way ticket as we were planning for me to fly there Aug 15th to get the truck and we were to drive back to Phoenix and he was then going to fly home. Last week he called me on Monday and said that something had come up from his past that he cannot deal with and that we could not deal with togother. I was full of questions and he didn't have answers. Monday and Tuesday I was very upset because he said he would call and didn't. I sent many vmails' text messages and emails and never got a response. I was very hurt - what happened? During out talk he said he was not ending anything but we were giong to take things one day at a time. Wednesday I got an eamil that was very harsh saying I guess I could not or did not want to give him the space he needs and in fact I'm pushing him further away. He said at this point he didn't know what to say. That was the email. Since then he has not spoken or written a word to me. He did not thank me for the flowers or baloons I had delivered to his house. tomorrow he was supposed to fly in for the "quick" weekend; but I am trying so hard to not get my hopes up. I just don't understand I am still his no. 1 on myspace, his status still says he is in a relationship (me), and on another site he still references me as being his. I'm very confused. I hanv't been able to eat, sleep, or conentrate on anything but crying and feeling numb. Over the last week I sent him a comment on myspace stating I miss him and hope is he doing well, I first replied to his email saying I was sorry for not giving him his space but I got scared and I can't apologize for that, but I will grant him his space and I was sorry, and I saw him online one morning and just said "good morning, hope you have a great day". But I have not text him or called him since last Tuesday just a few emails. I'm so lost and confused. Please help. Everyone says he will come back in time, but I just don't believe that but I want too. After all that time all that effort and all those promises and even going out of his way to buy me a truck and fix it dosen't sound like someone who would just give up. After he met my parents he bought them a jade horse statue to thank them for having him in their home. I'm just lost right now.
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male
reader, AnonymousBob  +, writes (31 July 2008):
He asn't left you, and his relationship status thing is about you, and he mentions you as his girlfriend etc.
Some people just need space. I'm going through the same thing with my girlfriend, and we have had to take things incredibly slowly because I smothered her so much for a long time. Now she needs so much space we are on a break, but wil be back together when she has had he space she needs.
You just have to slow down, back of a bit. Even though there may be a million "i love you"s that you want to say to him, don;t smother him when he doesn;t need it. Don't like, send him lots of texts and emails and stuff, just play it casually, and talk to him about it when you see him.
Ask him if he wants you just to back off, and not smother as much, not talk to him as much etc.
He is in a relationship with you, and so you do have security. Just give him the space he needs, and he will be able to be more close when he has sorted out the problems in his personal life.
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