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female
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anonymous
writes: My husband jokingly asked me if it was a good idea that we became swingers. He said that if he never married with me and that if he were single that he would find himself a girlfriend thatwouldnt mind pretending that they were married just so that they could swing. I asked him if thats what he felt like doing and he replied back by saying no because we have kids and are married and that it wouldnt be right because of that. He said that it was a joke, but I know that he thinks about that sometimes otherwise he would say that, right? Well, anyways he went on telling me that we should put a profile of us on the net pretending to be swingers just to see how many or what type of people would show interest in us. I think thats weird. Why would he be telling me this and say thats its all in fun and a joke? I mean what could I tell him to be more open and honest on what he wants me or us to do sexually? I dont want him doing anything behind my back. Should I just disregard it as a curious thing that he wants? Should I mind? Should I take it serious? What do you think? Im soooo confused.....
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female
reader, rremm2000  +, writes (22 June 2008):
Well if your serious about your relationship then you should try to grow together rather than apart. It sounds like he is serious, at least he brings the subject up to you.This shows he has respect for you in many ways! Shutting him down as stated in previous post will do nothing but drive a wedge between you.There is NO HARM in discussion of relationship issues. I have two kids my self 13 and 14. We do not discuss our sexuality with the children cause it's none of their beeswax, we do discuss general sex knowledge with them. My point here is that your Children have NOTHING to do with YOUR sexuality, fantasies or sexual interests.So back to the relationship, be open, listen, tell him you know he's not kidding,(this will remove his defensiveness), You want to know more about it first, tell him you don't want to just jump right in but your willing to go this far for now.Then decide for your self, to look into watching porn movies,(this is not swinging or swingers activities), but you may see/hear things you would like to try at some, way later date, move slow and experiment with alternates first! You may find that he doesn't really want to swing but has desires that aren't being fulfiled that can be fulfiled in other ways like porn movies, sex toys, Mistress(my favorite)/master roll play.
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female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (1 August 2006):
 If you do not like what he is saying, then tell him you WILL NOT discuss it further. It is your absolute right to do so, and he should respect your wishes. You are his wife, for God's sake! Is this how he usually gets his own way, by 'getting you used to the idea' so that eventually you cave in to his whims and fantasies?? Joke or not joke what defines it is whether it is FUNNY or not!..You just stick to your guns, and if he wants to play sex games, then discuss things which just the TWO of you can enjoy, TOGETHER - Have fun, and take care!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2006): BTW, and this is not necessarily something he would do. Just something to satisfy him mentally.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2006): It's a sexual fantasy of his. It's something he would like to try. The thing is though, he IS married to you, and you two do have kids. His curiosity stems from his fantasy of course. Although he may not act out on his fantasy, it's still something that he would like to see if it can work out - eg: by putting up a profile on a swingers' site.
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