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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi thereWell basically I am a complete mess and the moment and don't really know what to do with myself.Basically, my boyfriend of 5 and a half years broke up with me on Sunday. Before this, a few days into Jan, we nearly broke up, as he said he felt that I wasn't affectionate enough and he generally wasn't happy. I'm not cold hearted or anything like that it's just little things he said bother him, I think generally I left it more up to him to make the first moves and stuff, I guess I got too comfortable in the relationship. Anyway I told him I would change, and so he agreed we should stay together. We are both in our final years of uni, and a week after this we had exams. But even so, I was making so much effort to be a better girlfriend, and he said he could tell and he really appreciated it, and was happy. However I still felt that things were a bit 'off' but he said they were fine. So anyway, we had our 2 week period of exams (around a week after he brought up his issues with the relationship) so we were obviously stressed and didn't see eachother much, so I guess our relationship wasn't great at that point, but I felt that was due to exams.Anyway, he then broke up with me last week, on the Sunday at the end of the exam period. He said he didn't plan on breaking up with me. He had come round my house and I mentioned that he'd been a bit off that weekend and hadn't spoken to me much. He said it was because he'd just finished exams and had been out a few nights in a row (I knew this obviosuly) and was hungover etc, so I thought fair enough. But as a sort of joke I said 'you're not going to break up with me are you?' He straight away said no...but then after a pause after the 'no' he started saying how he still wasn't that happy and he wasn't sure why. He said he still loves me, but the time at the beginning of Jan he had said he wasn't sure if he was as IN love with me anymore, but a few days later after things were better he said he was and he was just having a bit of a funny phase. But I think after over 5 years it's probably normal to feel less in love at certain times, I know I have done. Anyway he said he needed 'space', not as in to have a break, he said he wanted to break up, but that that was because he felt really under pressure (not neccessarily from me but in general) and needed space and to be single.An important thing to mention is probably that he is going away travelling for 6 months in November. Obviously I was really upset about this and a few times said that I didn't see why he had to go for so long etc, but I didn't try and stop him or anything. But he told his mum that the reason he broke up was because of him going travelling (my friend is going out with his brother and she told me this). I just don't understand because he had said, after the dodgy few days at the beginning of Jan, that I should maybe go and visit him for a few weeks half way through his travels, so it would split up our time apart. We were also planning on going away for Valentines day (just for a night, nothing exciting) and when I asked him why he was planning this when he was going to break upw ith me he said he didn't know that he was going to, and that he had been really looking forward to it, and he'd been planning on booking it this week (before we broke up obviously). I guess my question is - will we get back together? I'm just so confused as it seemed to come out ofthe blue, apart from the time in early Jan, but I just don't understand, surely he didn't give us enough of a chance to improve as it's only been a few weeks since then, and we were stressed with exams. We had a 2 week break a couple of years ago but got back together as we couldn't cope with being apart and realised how much we lvoed eachother (that time the break up was mutual). I guess I'm just desperate for that to happen again but it's already been a week and there's no sign of him changing his mind (we've hardly spoken except a few texts yesterday, in which he gave no hint of regretting his decision).Sorry this is really long and probably a bit confused but I just don't know what to do. I love him more than anything in the world and thought we'd get married and have children (we'd talked about it, but sort of casually as we're quite young - 22). Oh and neither of us have ever been with anyone else. This used to bother us a bit as we thought we were too young to settle down, and this was part of the reason for our break a few years ago, but since then he's said he doesn't care at all and has no desire to 'try out' other women, and I believe this still to be true, as I think he would have told me as we've talked about it before.Please any advice would be great. I feel like I'm going mad, I can't eat or sleep and my chest hurts so much I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. Some people keep saying he'll come back to me, whereas others don't think he will, and are saying I shouldn't want him to anyway as he's messed me around a bit and does stuff like plans to go travelling without me. I don't really mind this though, he's 22 it's fair enough to want to travel the world. I just don't understand why we can't stay together why he does so.Sorry again for this being so long!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2011): Umm..he's searching for a way out it seems and finding any which excuse to get out. Sometimes its hard to break up with someone you have been with so long but it will be better for you in the future to let someone go who doesn't want to share your dreams.
He cares for you deeply but that is different than being in love with somoene and wanting to spend your life with them..thats why you can't stay together.
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