A
female
age
36-40,
*ola16182
writes:My bf of 2 1/2yrs said yesterday that we need to "take a break". We had been arguing alot lately, and I was annoyed with his immature/baby behaviour (he's almost 26 years old btw) and he was annoyed with how I am apparently not "girly enough" (which I admit I'm kinda tomboyish). He says he is very bothered too by my lack of confidence (I'm very self-conscious of myself, and he thinks its funny to poke fun at my insecurities-which makes me feel worse) and I explained that to him but whatever. He also said I was scaring him because I talked about marriage and kids-he was the first one to bring up that topic so I thought it was ok to talk about it.He was right that something needed to be done. I said we should just both work on our issues (ie. he needs to act mature and ill work on being a little more feminine) but he says we need this break because if we kept on like this we would eventually ruin the relationship, which is true. His other comments about the break were that he's just wanting to make sure that we are meant for each other. He says he still loves me and doesn't want to be with anyone else, and in the meantime he even said we won't tell friends or anyone about "the break", and leaving our status on Facebook as "in a relationship" so no one questions. I admire that because if there were someone else I'd figure he'd want to announce to ppl that we were on a break. We decided we will talk on the phone still, I work with him 1day/wk and also go to school with him which I can't avoid, but we aren't going to be seeing each other in romantic terms. He doesn't know how long it will take though. This last part might give you the hint as to why I'm worried--at the beginning 2 1/2 years ago we went "on a break" as well. We said we wouldnt see other people. Less than 1 week later he started seeing someone else. He hid it from me and was actually dating her for a few months. He told me that this girl liked him because they had a drunken kiss at the bar, and that she was after him--and then AFTER they broke up was when he admitted it to me that they had dated. I was really hurt,I forgave him and we have been dating straight up until now. He promises this time that he has no interest in anyone, loves me and only me, wants to spend his life with me, but that the only way to save this relationship is to take a break since we were arguing too much--it got to the point we had almost broken up with each other a few times this past month.So based upon what happened last time, and what is going on now, do you think he is sincere or am I just up for another round of heartbreak?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): So you are a "little tomboyish." So what? If he can't accept you for who you are, then you don't need him!He told you at the last break that he wasn't dating anyone else. He lied. Take a break if you want, but yes, I'd be open about the fact that you will be free to date others - and he can also. See what he says to that.In any case, as the other poster pointed out, if he is scared because you mentioned marriage and kids, and you have been dating for more than two years, the prospects for commitment don't look good. Besides which, you are not happy with his immature behavior.What you do now, whether have another break, or call it quits is up to you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): I would certainly question his motives after what happened the last time. Maybe you should tell him you'll be happy to take a break, but you're going to date other men while he's trying to decide about your relationship. See if he still wants to take a break then. Either way, you should make an effort to date others. You don't belong to anyone until that person decides to make a committment to you, and he hasn't done that yet. After 2 1/2 years he should be a little closer to knowing if you're right for each other instead of having to take a break in order to figure it out.
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