A
female
age
36-40,
*tung
writes:Hello,I've been exclusively dating a nice guy for almost 8 months now. We've had good times together and he is always there for me when I need him. The thing is, before he met me, he was very promiscuous. (I don't have a lot of dating experience.) He's very into how men attract women and how they market themselves on the dating scene. When we watch movies with a relationship plotline, he takes care to tell me what the man is doing right/wrong. He wishes to have a motivational speaking career or a relationship counseling career when he graduates. What bothers me is that he wants to teach guys how to attract women. The worst thing is that he says he wants to practice picking up women and getting numbers in order to be able to teach them. He says he's not going to use the numbers or anything but he wants to practice so he can teach others and so he gains credibility as an attraction expert. He asked me if that was OK with me. I'm not stupid, and this bothers me a lot. He's told me that he's not going to do it since it bothers me, but this is the 3rd time he's asked this question. He told me not to tell my friends that he asked the question, because they would probably think it was weird. I want to know how or IF I can get him to curb his flirtatious ways- I've explained to him how important it is to me but he doesn't seem to get it. I want our relationship to work. Is he just not a one-woman man?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): I've heard of some excuses for getting permission for cheating / flirting but this is ridiculous. What a joke! What an insult! Get rid of him my dear - you certainly don't need a book or a training course to tell you what an idiot he is.
A
female
reader, brooke5426  +, writes (2 April 2008):
 what kind of guys are gonna take advice on women and getting girls from a guy who thinks its acceptable to hit on women while in a relationship? i hope hes gonna have a refund policy!
I really think he just wants to pick up girls just to know that he can. As an ego-boost. If you want my honest opinion he sounds like an arrogant wannabe player who thinks he knows it all about women but knows nothing.
He obviously thinks of himself as a bit of a Dr Love type ladies man and the awful truth is that you cant change someone like that. For me it'd have to be over cos it'd just be a waste of time.
take care
brooke
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): I reckon he has watched the Will Smith movie, Hitch one too many times!
Tell him to throw his enthusiasm into a real job, theres no way you should allow him to get away with using his uncontrolable flirting as a job, thats just ridiculous!
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (2 April 2008):
 How to attract women? Perhaps instead he should we working on 'how to keep a girlfriend'? Which is much more important than the first thing, and he clearly needs practice at it.
What he's asking for is way out of line. Way way way out of line. If he keeps pushing for this you need to consider not being with him. The fact that he asked at all, and especially more than once, is cause for alarm.
You might want to consider why he is like this. Almost all the men I know like this (and I have a few similar close friends) are using these 'methods' to mask a lot of insecurity / low self esteem. Chasing and 'catching' women becomes a way for them to tell themselves that they are attractive and 'ok'. It can be very unhealthy in the long run, since that low self esteem, whilst it can be hidden for the duration of a pick-up and one-night stand, soon comes out as negativity and fear in a real relationship. Unfortunately being unfaithful is common as, when a relationship isn't working well, a quick pick-up can be used as a quick pick-me-up.
Good luck, and stick to your guns, you sound like you have your head well sorted out about this.
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