A
female
age
41-50,
*ALA31
writes:I need advice please. I have been married 4 years november have been seperated since july 25 secondary to finding out my husband has been cheating.We have a daughter who is 3 and i have a son who is 13.Are relationship has pretty much sucked the entire time although we fought ugly we still had much passion and seemend as if we spent alot of family time together. Neither of us went out i worked nights he would be with the kids finding out he cheated was a surprise to everyone. Are respect for one another had diminshed through the years for are downgrading fights and disrescpet- i would have to say him more than me diffently , even lashing at my son in spite of me. That was his downfall spite, i beleieve that is why he cheated spite bad fight went out boom and keep going. I have reliezed im fine with out him i did most of everything bills,kids,house cleaning and moneymaker-to where i dont miss much besides the help with kids when i am at work. He has lost eveything his job-he is living with his mother he really feels it. He wants to come home and i do see a change in him. Although i can still see at times the spitefullness and not to mention he was still an ass after i found out.Im scared to give it another try my son doesnt want him home,my daughter loves him and i would rather her grow up with a dad. what kind of dad will he be on his own?im very confused.HELP!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): id let everyone i could know about the situation
friends family.. your son.. and confide in them as much as you can
let him return.. but make sure he knows that he has messed up BIG TIME. and has to make it up.. and by make it up REALLY REALLY make it up and do his BEST to patch everything up and put all his efforts into the family and get a proper job and get serious HELP with his abusive ways and mend the relatioship with you and your son- gain your trust and love again really GROVEL
if he is not 100% FOR you- that is lying right down on the floor at your feet- being whipped for you- then he is worthless and shouldnt be allowed back to ruin your life again!
go girl! :)
and
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): All this fighting will damage the kids.ok your 3 year old likes him but i doubt she will stil like him in the near future.if you take him back you wil have a vegetable that sits at home all day,sleeps with other women and is a negative influence on the kids
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 December 2008):
 Why did he say he wants to come home? Does he want to work things out or does he need another place to stay? I think his motivation for wanting to come back is very important to understand. I don't blame you for being careful with this and cautious. Did anyone ever mention going to see a marriage counselor? I think that would be step one for me if I were in your shoes. No counseling, no examination of the relationship and why it went sour and why he cheated, no return journey for him.
You sound like you're doing okay without him and are just a wee bit bitter about this. I don't blame you for that. It's just that it takes two people to make a relationship and often it's the two people working in opposition that mess it up in the first place. How will you know what pitfalls to avoid if he does come back?
So I guess I'm saying that you need a plan for how the return will be accepted and accomplished successfully.
Good luck!
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