A
female
age
30-35,
*nonem
writes:I write articles online and some commenters are allowed to message me on an anonymous mail for private conversations.My type of articles are centred around happenings in everyday life and the struggles faced by youths but I'm in no way an expert. I just voice out my opinions and it affects some people deeplyand some contact me.The issue now is a reader contacted me that he wants me to be his accountability partner. He's not paying me, he's not trying to makemy life better and according to him, he's selfish. It not like I can't do it but I don't know if I want to help him.Any advice would be nice. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 January 2017):
 Noooo...RUN! I smell scammer BIG time. A loan can either be obtained or it can't. He doesn't want an accountability partner. He wants a life coach, and that costs money. This guy is bad news when he's bringing money into his dealings with you. Time to turn him down nicely but abruptly.
A
female
reader, anonem +, writes (6 January 2017):
anonem is verified as being by the original poster of the question I have to clarify some things. @you wish, not internet porn. He told me he needed someone to be accountable for in his long-term goals, who goes through his daily plans and monitors his progress. He has a loan he wants to obtain. and according to him, he's (too) lethargic to obtain it. That's where I come in.Thank you all for your advice. I don't feel comfortable being accountable for someone's everyday life even if I have (done) it before.
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A
female
reader, Slippers  +, writes (6 January 2017):
He needs someone ( I'm a mental health nurse) who knows him
Very well. You can say hey, I thought over your qs from
The other day and it would utterly selfish of me not to mention neglectful of your emotional mental needs if I went forward with this as though you seem
Like a extremely nice guy and all . You need someone who knows you extremely well that's the advisement I have been given ( you do not need to say from whom ) and though I know a modicum part I don't have the knowledge needed to take this forward .. so regrettable my answer is no.
And do not say anymore on it . If he enquiries say sweetly I already covered that and move the topic onto something else . If he continues to message in this forum and doesn't take the hint . Raise it with the providers and see how they shall handle it .
Chin up and take care
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 January 2017):
Ahh, "accountability partner". That gives me flashbacks to my religious background, because with the rise of the internet, those two words were uttered by both ministers and laypersons, as well as their wives in various degrees of anger, fury, sadness, or oddly enough - compassion.
But before I assume that the "accountability partner" you're referring to means what I think it means, can you follow up and confirm?
Accountability partners have to do with internet porn, correct? It covers porn, sexting, role playing, webcam stuff, phone sex (not so much anymore!), and so on??
You used the word "Youth" which is another word that often goes hand-in-hand with that, right?
That's an intimate partnership, and while he may feel like he's connecting with your words, the accountability partner should really be someone who is directly in his life, as opposed to online and anonymous. If he's in the church, it should be a pastor or youth pastor. If he *is* a pastor or youth pastor (which is extremely possible because the church has an extreme weakness in caring for clergy struggling with lust), then he needs to look at his network outside his own 4 walls for an accountability partner. A head of an organization or denomination is good at offering counsel and guiding towards networks of people who place keylogger programs that instantaneously relay to the other AP's in the "network".
If I'm wrong, and it's more secular and not about porn, then Honeypie's advice is right on the mark.
I can give you a bunch of resources if you need them if I'm right about what this guy is turning to you for in terms of an accountability partner. Either way - you're right - it wouldn't be appropriate for you to be his AP because your online nature is too much of a lack of accountability.
Trust me - I've *been* an accountability partner, and it's a *LOT* of work and effort. Calls at all hours of the day and lots of prayer as well as some irate spouses demanding information let me know right from the start that it wasn't for me!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 January 2017):
 I would suggest that you tell him you can not do that for him, that he will need someone who is first of all close to him (physically, as in PART of his daily life) and secondly someone who knows him. Someone online can encourage, advice etc. but it's based on the info given. So this guy can tell you "whatever" and it would be impossible for you to HOLD him to his goals, hopes, and dreams.
If it is with regards to school work - a fellow student - a study buddy would be ideal.
If it is with regards to work, a co-worker who can help motivate and support each other.
If it's about drink or drugs? A sponsor is by FAR better.
Being an accountability partner is not an easy "job".
Telling him that you are flattered that he thinks you would be good for this, but that you feel sticking to writing articles and give the best advice you CAN is where you feel comfortable.
And OP, IT IS OK to tell him no and not give a LONG LONG excuse as to why. If you feel it's something YOU don't want to do or it seems TOO daunting, then don't do it.
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