A
female
age
30-35,
*livia2009
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years now, we moved in together after just two months of knowing each other, which is quick but I didn't have anywhere else to go at the time. He has been pretty open about the fact that he wants kids and wants to marry me. About six months ago he told me he wanted to marry me and it was time for us to go look at rings. So we took a whole day and looked for rings, he even had a price range I had to stay in. At the beginning of the day he was excited, but when a sales person asked if we were engaged I said basically, and he was very quick to make it known that we were not engaged and we were just looking. Since that day he has said he wants to wait because he doesn't feel ready anymore, he says in three years when we are more settled with our lives, we can get married. He also says that I need to start acting like more of a wife type before he marries me, like cooking his meals and cleaning up after him. Since he decided to wait on the marriage he has also stopped treating me well, he used to do sweet things for me like buy me a candle or a rose once a month or something small but sweet, but lately he has been pushing me around and calling me names, telling me I am lazy, and Its upsetting and demeaning... I don't know what to do. How could things go from so great to soo bad? And is he ever going to change?
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (6 December 2009):
 Looks like he changed already, and not for the better.
You have to stand up for yourself. Your boyfriend should never, ever, ever lay his hands on you and call you names. Marrying you is a privilege and not a right, and he doesn't get to make it legal while treating you like you have a tail and bark.
If you marry him now while he's treating you like crap, that is all you'll get for the rest of your married life. I suspect that these were his true colors all along and he was putting on a face to hook you. I hope that I'm wrong.
Both of you need to sit down and talk about what you expect out of married life. Make it clear that violence and name calling is not acceptable. The cooking, cleaning, etc is something you can work out between yourselves. But never ever allow yourself to be a doormat for anybody.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2009): Wow, what a jerk!!!!! Jerk isn't even a bad enough word for him. I can't even begin to guess what has gotten into this guy's head, but you need to be thankful you saw his true colors BEFORE you got married, and get out NOW! Maybe he was just nice to you in the beginning to suck you in, and once you got serious he wants things his way?? Whatever it is, he's not the person he led you to believe he was, and you need to leave. Don't let him treat you this way for the rest of your life.
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