A
female
age
36-40,
*ilmama10
writes:I have been with my husband for 7 yrs, married 1. He use to b so caring and loving and generous. Now he is verbally abusive and use to hit me but that stopped. We never have fun or talk or even laugh anymore unless its at each other:( he won't communicate with me at all. I feel lonely, sad, unloved, and worthless. We have 2 kids. Daughter is his from previous marriage, son is ours she's 10th and he's 1!! I know! She is babied by evryone and they're all so hard on my son but no one cares when I say something. He acts as if he could care less if I'm alive. It's so hard to live with knowing what an amazing man he was. I did cheat on him n the very beginning:( and I feel disgusted with myself. But I think if that's y, he shouldn't have married me. I'm not perfect by any means but I do try to show him I love him. He says its all me. I'm wuts wrong with our relationship. That hurts. My dad molested me when I was younger and he knows this and that's y I'm insecure bout a lot but I try to put it behind me. I'm just so lost and don't know how much longer I can keep it up. I'm losing my mind and am waay too drained. I stay home with my son (daughter lives wit mom) and he doesn't appreciate anything I do. Any feedback would b greatly appreciated. Thanks so much.
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female
reader, lilmama10 +, writes (20 April 2011):
lilmama10 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank u all so much for the input. I've known for a while that I need to leave I just haven't built up the courage to do so. But I need to think of my son because he is my world now & I don't think I could live with myself if I let him grow up in an unhealthy environment also. Thanks so much.
A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (19 April 2011):
if you've cheated on him and you think this is why he stopped loving you, that's a consequence of infidelity. However, it doesn't excuse him being abusive. If your spouse cheats on you, divorce is appropriate, abuse is not.
If he long ago stopped loving you and developed contempt for you because you had cheated on him - and he has every right to - then the marriage should have been terminated, not maintained and dragged on and on so as to become a vehicle for him to heap abuse and never-ending punishment on you.
If in the beginning it was "your fault" for cheating on him (although usually cheating doesn't come out of nowhere it's often a sign that the relationship was already very broken), now it's way past that so he needs to take responsibility and not be putting it all on you. If he blames you for everything wrong with the relationship, why doesn't he leave you? Clearly he's messed up too, dont' feel like you're the only one who is "damaged" because of your past, I think your husband is pretty messed up too if he's abusive and obviously can't stand you yet is still keeping you around. This is a very unhealthy situation for you and your kids.
The best thing to do is to leave an abusive situation before it does even more damage to you or imprints on your kids unhealthy subconscious thought patterns that can follow them into adulthood (of what "normal" relationships should look like).
probably it feels impossibly difficult to leave because by now your self esteem has been so eroded from his abuse and maybe also from your childhood abuse as well. If so, it might really help to go to individual counseling to help you deal with what you're experiencing and develop a plan for what to do.
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A
female
reader, nester +, writes (19 April 2011):
get the f away from this asshole because you are worth something. if you cant do it for yourself then do for the kids. they don,t need to be around him when he acts like a big shot calling you names pushing you around. just get him out of your life and never look back. I know what i,m talking about because i,v been in your shoes. before so please i know that its hard but you have to.
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A
female
reader, TrustInYou +, writes (19 April 2011):
 Dear Lilmama10, Does it hurt to much to say goodbye? If so, couples counseling is always a good idea. I'm trying my best here! (Sorry, I'm 13 so i can't probably can't help out that much!) I really hope you can get his ass to counseling. My Best Wishes, TrustInYou
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