A
female
age
51-59,
*olly1973
writes:My boyfriend told me in October to " set a date" and he'd "show up". I'm afraid to do this. 20 years ago we were engaged and broke up and have reunited years later. I just don't trust. We are 45 and live in different states. He does have M.S., Anxiety, and other health issues so doesn't want to be bothered. Two weeks ago I messaged him I was setting a date and he ignored it. I do have a career, friends, etc, and do love him and would like to get married before I croak! What would you do?
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (3 January 2019):
 ‘Set a date and I’ll show up’? And they say romance is dead.
Is this honestly how you want to get married? This doesn’t sound like much of a relationship. Why would you marry someone you don’t trust?
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 January 2019):
 Why marry when you dont live together? Tax benefits? I am quite sure your finances are better off without marrying him. Seeing as how he isnt well. He isnt well enough to bother about marrying you. Take it as a sign you better not. He doesnt sound fit for it. Sometimes we need to accept that things are the way they are. If marriage is what you want, then find a man who can be a husband. This man, great as he may be, is not husband-material.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 January 2019):
 Give him once chance to prove that he is serious.
Set a date at the courthouse, pay the tiny fee, give him the time and place. Then dress up and have a few friends/family show up for support.
IF he is a no show, then YOU go out to dinner/lunch with friends and have a NO MORE CHANCES party.
Then you cut him loose and MOVE on.
If he DOES show up, you get hitched and go out to a dinner/lunch with friend and family and celebrate. If you want a BIGGER wedding, have a renewal vow ceremony in 5 years.
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