A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been trying to break up with my long distance boyfriend for what seems like a month now...We live in different countries and I'd have to wait a lot of time in order to meet him again. Maybe even a year.I know it's horrible to break up through the internet or through the phone, but I have no other way to do so at the moment and waiting a year would be more than too much.We have had a wonderful relationship...He's been very loving and caring, he always did things for me...At one point we were even planning on getting married in the future, we had a lot of dreams together but lately I've been feeling like I don't love him as much as I used to.He thinks we're going to be with each other forever...He says he practically lives for me and that I'm his whole world. Each one of the times I tried telling him that I feel differently, trying my best not to hurt him he told begged me not to leave him...He said that if I did he would turn into a "lifeless shell" and suffer for the rest of his life. He even told him that I'd kill him if I left him.I tried explaining to him how much pressure he puts on me by saying things like this, but only thing he would tell me is "If you knew how much I love you, you'd know that this is the truth...". I told him that if he truly loved me he would be happy for me even if it were without me. Basically, all he was saying was that if I left him he would become a walking dead person who would only appear to be happy for me but inside he would be the most miserable person alive. I told him that there's no way I'd ever be able to be happy like he wants me to be if he were this way. I want him to be less dependant on me and to realize that he's only hurting me a lot more than he's hurting himself by saying these things...I can't be held captive in a relationship under these circumstances...I honestly feel as if I'm drowning. I love him, but I can't stand it that he puts so much pressure on me these days. I feel like his whole life and happiness is up to me, and that crushes me beyond words...Is there anything I could possibly do...? What could I possibly tell him...? Please help...
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crush, different countries, I love you, long distance, the internet Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009): This guy is manipulating you, and while you may not be able to see it (yet) it's having a serious impact on you. YOU are NOT responsible for his feelings. He will NOT die, or turn into a tree, or anything else if you break up with him. What will happen is that he'll feel pain, so will you, but you'll both get over it and he'll go on to become some other woman's problem. You, will heal over time, gain some distance and persepctive and realize just how screwed up this "relationship" was.So, write him a letter, change your email address, block him from facebook, change your telephone number and get on with life. If he writes, let someone else open it, make sure that he's not repaying a debt and shread the letter w/o reading it. THis is not a healthy relationship... you need to date a man who is in control of his emotions, and not trying to control yours- partners are equals...
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): You just need to be honest with him. If he doesn't understand where you are coming from, he isn't worth your time. I had an LDR where the guy said he was going to kill himself if I broke up with him. I did anyway, and he's still alive and kicking..(i ran across his profile on a site). If he really loves you, he'll give you room to breathe. Don't think that you HAVE to stay with him because he is saying how miserable he would be without you.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (10 September 2009):
Yep he's getting obsessive and that's not right. It's not healthy for either of you.
But you just have to save him from himself and get on with it.
You don't need to get him over you before you end things.
You just need to tell him that he's put too much pressure on you, and you want to break up.
That's all you need to say. He doesn't need to agree to it, you just need to tell him and then go offline so he can't try and emotionally black mail you.
If you are seriously worried he may harm himself then get in touch with his family, NOT HIM. Or even his local police.
He will most likely be fine and just thinks it's romantic to pledge he'll die of a broken heart.
Just tell him it's over quickly and sharply and then don't answer his calls or emails till he calms down.
Good Luck!! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPlease, if anyone can help...I would very much appreaciate it..I have no one to turn to when it comes to this...
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A
female
reader, luckystars88  +, writes (10 September 2009):
someones happiness is up to them. not to their friends family or loves. its true that people should be able to share their happiness with someone but for you to be solely responsible for his happiness isnt healthy. he needs to find it within himself before he will ever be truly happy with you. if your not happy this way (and i can see why you wouldnt be) then leave him.. as hard as it will be you need to make yourself happy too. life is short and you should make out of it what you can instead of waiting and waiting for someone to come be with you. there are so many options you have and waiting shouldnt be one of them. of course the choice is yours. if you think he is worth waiting for then thats your choice. but dont make it his. yes it will hurt him and you a little too but your right. he shouldnt be so dependant on you. and you shouldnt feel responsible for it.
i dont know how much that helped but i wish you the best of luck.
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