A
female
 ,
*exseahot
writes:Ok, I need to know if I'm overreacting or being just a normal woman on this. I've been dating someone for 7 months, but we were seeing each other for a 1 1/2 years before that. He told me how his ex cheated on him and I'm only his second girlfriend. Well, I thought that we had this open relationship and nothing to hide from anyone. I check his e-mails, he looks at mine, just because we're bored, not because we don't trust one another. Yesterday, he had told me that his ex had sent him a picture of himself... Ok, I thought, I wanted to see it. It was a pic of him when they were at prom together. OK, but then I asked him if he was going to write her back or anything and he told me no, but he had to get off the phone and get some work done. Well, a couple minutes later, she writes him back again, with HIS reply message below hers. So, he wrote her back like he told me he wasn't going to. Let me mind you, that we've been through this before and he told me he don't want to talk to her. He has gotten her to be my enemy, but for some reason, I feel as if she's not quite his. She's my enemy because I'm taking my boyfriend's side of course.Anyways, he was deleting all his mail he was sending her and all his other mail, I guess thinking that I wouldn't figure it out that they were emailing each other. He didn't want me to get upset, so he tried just hiding it from me I guess. Well, I told him that if he wants to talk to her, then let me know, don't hide it from me. So, he let her know that he didn't want to talk to her anymore and she wrote him back saying that they were friends before me and him got together and they only reason they don't talk anymore was because of me. I don't want it to be like this cuz of me. I want it to be cause that's how HE wants it. I got mad because he was lying to me and hiding this from me. Now, he says they weren't friends, who do I believe and am I overreacting? What am I supposed to do?
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reader, pops +, writes (7 October 2005):
Tell him that no relationship can stand on lies, and he is lying to you. You don't deserve that, and unless you are high school kids, it is rediculous for him to be trying to make you the " bad guy " in all this to his past love. He obviously is still infatuated with his old flame, so you have to decide whether to continue with this two-timer, or leave him. He is not very mature acting. I suspect you want more out of this relationship than he does. Back off. Either give him time to grow up, or leave him and find someone who is more mature. You don't deserve to be treated like this. And, don't lie to yourself. The reason you are reading other people's e-mail is that YOU do NOT Trust Him. In this case, I have to recommend that you go with that little voice in your head, and leave him. Yes, it hurts, but you will get over him. And you will learn a valuable lesson about what you have to have from any partner in a new relationship.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2005): This prediciment is so close to the one in at the moment you could easily be my girlfriend. If he's like me, then he doesn't feel attracted to his ex or feel anything for his ex more than a friend. He is probably friends with her again because he doesn't care about what happened between them. This means he is over her and feels why hold a grudge when it doesn't matter anymore. He probably also feels that if she hadn't done that to him then he wouldn't have ended up with you. He probably never told you about him being friends with her again because he would be scared that you would believe he still had feelings for her. If he has stopped talking to her especialy for you then it's obvious that you mean much more to him than her so you have nothing to worry about.
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