A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:This is going to sound really sad, but please read on... your advice would be much appreciated...I have known a guy for nearly 25 years (I'm 40, he's 41, not your classic I this site I guess).I have always loved him, as botha friend, but a lot more besides. He looks upon me as his "big sister" even though He's older than me.My problem is, I have come to the point that I can't spend anymore time with him, I know he will never pop the question and I have mentioned many years' ago that I had liked him when we were both at college together and my heart races when I'm near him.I have helped him through an awful 18 months and now things are improving I feel that he will just vanish off and meet the woman of his dreams. I have been absolutely devestated since New Year, when I think the penny dropped that my feelings were so intense.I have found myself crying at the thought of never having him and I know dame well it could work.I think he may not like me due to the fact that I'm overweight, which I think may put anyone off... but we have such a wondeful relationship that I can only see myself getting hurt when he does meet his miss right!Do I build a wall again and try not to see or speak to him or do I just put my feelings to one side and worry about him.Your advice would be much appreciated.
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female
reader, shazzy67 +, writes (3 September 2008):
 Well, the update on this is his life took another bad turn... his Father passed away last month and now he has to go in for spinal surgery.
No movement yet...
Do I tell him how I feel and just move on when he needs me the most... or do I just try and keep my feelings in check?
ho hum!
A
female
reader, big momma +, writes (23 July 2008):
I would say keep him as a friend,if you tell him how you feel you might lose the friendship and that will hurt alot more than the hurt you are feeling at the moment at not being to tell him your true feelings.In time he might start having the same feelings for you!
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A
female
reader, shazzy67 +, writes (29 February 2008):
Hi all
Well.... the update is nothing happened!
I was seriously going to tell him how I felt and a friend advised against it.
He said that he needed to have me there for his support at the moment and I shouldn't be selfish.
So at the moment, it's on hold.
Wish me luck all....
Shazzy
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A
female
reader, shazzy67 +, writes (11 February 2008):
Thanks q1605 you make a great point!
He has not had that many romantic interludes in his life.
He has had a few dubious relationships, but nothing serious.
He has had a similar relationship to mine with another friend who he said he cared about, but he is not "touchy feely" with me as he was with her.
I'm going to take a few weeks and see how the situation moves on.
I have made a point of not visiting him this weekend and he called me on Friday night (for 3 hours) and again yesterday (for 3 hours). So that's 12 hours of chatting over the past few days, and I haven't called him, I've left it for him to contact me.
Wish me luck... I'm either going to make myself look like one hell of a fool or the happiest person alive!
Shazzy67 x
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A
female
reader, shazzy67 +, writes (8 February 2008):
Thank you all.
Your advice is much appreciated....
I'm going to mull this over for a few weeks and see what happens.
I feel a little selfish only thinking of my feelings, but I think it's time I worried about myself... I need to move on and with spending so much time with him it's hard.
New Years I made out I hand't heard all the fireworks in the hope that he wouldn't want to kiss and hug me....
How sad is that!
I think your all right... I need to worry about me... the idea about a new wardrobe and actaully worrying about myself and losing weight are all ones I'm doing now!
Keep the advice coming.
This will be the first weekend in a couple of months that I've not gone over, I've stopeed calling him unless he calls me first (which he has done 2 out of the past 3 days), so it's not as if I'm out of sight out of mind.
It won't look to suspicious this weekend as I know another friend is going over, but next weekend I may make a point of not going over again... then he may start questioning things. I think about all this and want to cry and that's the last thing I want to do in front of him.... he slipped a disc 18 months ago, has been off work since, then his mother died suddenly in Sept, and his Father had to be placed into a nursing home... so as you can see, I just don't want to add to things....
Keep your advice coming people... it's much appreciated and making me think real hard.
Shazzy67xxxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): If you cut him out your life he then has the opportunity to ask you why you've done that and you can say because your feelings are so intense it is getting you down so its best this way and you don't think he feels the same way and you can't live with that. Give him a chance to reply. He won't see you as needy - more like a strong woman who is making a tough decision. Its him that is being weak surely? He has had a tough time so may be reeling from that still? Conversely it could be a good time to take the bull by the horns because surely it is time he built upon the good things in his life? I doubt your weight is an issue but if you are feeling low maybe get some advice from a friend you can trust to be honest and do a budget make-over - spend an afternoon clearing out the wardrobe and re-vamping yourself - be daring perhaps a new hair style or colour too? This, combined with you sockin it straight between his eyes about how you feel will surely get some kind of response??? If not then he either doesn't have a pulse or he's possibly not the kind of man you want anyway. Don't give up yet - but make sure you are clear what happens next. Lots of luck to you...
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A
female
reader, advice goddess +, writes (8 February 2008):
 hello, my advice i can give you is be proud of who you are and don't let this man get you down. yes, maybe you might have known him for several years but he sounds like he's not intersted. but hey, you could try talking to him about seen as you have such a good relationship maybe you could work it out, maybe he doesn't know how you really feel about him, and if he only likes you as a friend, that's ok, don't get worked up about it because having him as a friend is better than not having him at all right? good luck.with regards, advice goddess.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): Thanks for that Transcowboy.I have done that in the past and got a similar response, but... well.... time will tell.I know at the moment he needs me as a friend and doesn't need me to be the "kneedy" one.I've had a conversation recently with a very close friend of us both who said leave it a little while and let things settle down a bit.But your advice is much appreciated.Shazzy67
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A
male
reader, Transcowboy  +, writes (8 February 2008):
 The way i see it you can two things, go on like this and cry over him. It wont change the fact that he doesnt know. Or you can sit him down and explain everything to him, tell him how you feel. The worst he can say is he doesnt feel the same way, but he could always says he feels the same way and was afraid to tell you. Just make sure in the end you tell him you still want to be his friend no matter what.
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