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age
36-40,
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writes: We've known eachother for a few months now, met up a couple of times, and as the weeks went by I started to like him. We would talk to each other almost everyday, and feelings got stronger on my part. Over a week ago, we were both flirting like crazy, and both arranged a day out together next week. (Waiting for a weather check of next week) So I asked him is it a date? He said "That sounds like a good idea!". And as we were on the subject I told him how I felt. He replied with "Realy?! I thought you was just being friendly! Well I really like you too, and I think your gorgeous!" I made it clear to him that I couldn't work out if he liked me or not, and he told me "You're a tough one to work out too!!" Then before we ended the convo he said "Thanks for the chat, and for what you said :)"It's been nearly a week since our confession, and he hasn't been speaking to me as much. Now he is a VERY shy guy, in person anyway. For a 34 year old man, he's incredibly shy, HOWEVER, on Facebook he's like another man. And very chatty. I started the conversation the other day, and we spoke all night. And then the day after he decides to talk to me at nearly 1am, so we ended up only speaking for half hour. And since then, we haven't spoken at all. When we do talk he never brings up about our feelings, I dont know if hes embarrassed, or just doesn't want to talk about it.He is a busy man, works full-time and everything, but every time I check facebook hes online or has been. And I'm having so much run through my head, like what if he lied? What if he likes another girl but is stringing me along? I don't know if I should be worried or not? Why is he being less talkative? Will he even follow up this date next week? What should I do? :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2014): i think he's shy and embarrassed to talk to you about that topic. it's not something easy to just bring up in a convo. you need to talk when the time feels right. i sounds to me, that the time don't feel right for him. no-one of us on this site knows if he'll go on that date with you, only time knows. if he rejects you, suggest another at least a week later, and if he doesn't come to that date, move on. but, it does sound like you've got him bagged, but he's just embarrassed. maybe there's an age difference which he don't feel comfy about?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (26 February 2014):
 I would relax, stop stressing about this and just wait and see. You have to have some patience here. You've made it so plain how you feel that there's no mystery or chase for him. You've chatted and met up so he knows you a little.
Back off for now, wait to see if he follows through.
Why did you feel the need to tell him how you feel? That's too much too soon. You haven't even had a proper date yet! Slow down, waaaayyyy down.
Stay off FB, hide yourself from chat, if he wants to reach you, he can send a message or call you. Make plans with friends and stay busy busy busy. Post about the interesting things you are doing with interesting people and do not reach out to him.
He knows you like him, you've made that extremely clear, now let him decide what to do with that information.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2014): He likes you; but probably not as much as you may like him.
He got a little cornered when you confessed your feelings; and he was being honest when he said he thought you were "only being friendly."
When he said he liked you, he didn't mean there was any kind of relationship beginning. Just that he liked you. "Wishful-thinking" and eagerness blew that a bit out of proportion. The truth is, HE is only being friendly.
He is otherwise keeping his options open. It's easier to be chatty hiding behind an iPhone or laptop screen; than being face to face for some folks. Maybe he is not as comfortable with people socially, as he is spilling his brain-diarrhea online.
Back off and let him pursue you, if he's really interested. Consider the possibility that he isn't, so you won't get your hopes up. I didn't say play "hard to get." That is outdated and stupid. Playing games is for children.
Here's something I tell a lot of women writing to DC.
You have to approach guys really slowly. Men spook very easily; if you charge at them seeming too eager for a boyfriend. The fight or flight instinct kicks in.
If you're too eager, that spells desperate to some guys.
With desperate comes clingy. Shy guys are a pain. You'll spend a lot of time playing guessing games and wasting your time. They deserve to be alone, until they grow a pair.
Call it commitment-phobia if you like, you still have to take your time. He's single. He will explore his feelings first. You are forgetting the fact that there may be other women he has interest in also. You only met a few times, and got only a brief opportunity to chat. So he made tentative arrangements to hang out sometime. That's all.
As for going out. I think he is chatting up with other ladies at the same time. He hasn't made up his mind who he's really into yet. You said yourself, he's chatty on Facebook.
Another thing is your text message anxiety. If he doesn't contact you, don't get into a tizzy; or stand by your phone waiting. That is absolute proof you're too desperate.
If a couple of days go by, and you don't hear from a guy; just go about your life as usual. Start checking out someone else you like. Your options are wide open. Don't let some undecided dork put your love-life on
hold.
Personally, I give up pretty easily. That's because I don't get excited until someone asks me out( or I ask them out); we agree on an actual date and time to go out, and it's a done deal.
It takes me a few dates to make up my mind if I really care.
Don't get me wrong, there would be no going out if there wasn't some attraction. I mean no feelings come out until things are more established between us.
If they cancel, or I don't hear from them again. I just move on. You keep your feelings on hold; until you have something to attach them to.
Don't hang your feelings on a few nice conversations and late night chats. He's just filling in a lonely time-slot.
That is no sign of any kind of commitment. He could be making a rain-check for a future booty-call.
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