A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello there,I was madly in love with my ex bf. We called it quits last month because he told me cheated and also because the long distance was too hard for him. So I let him go as he wanted. We continued to keep in touch via phone, talking almost every other day. We flirted, teased each other etc. I lied to him that I had sex with other people already and he was a little disappointed. I still loved him but of course did not tell him that. He told me that he still loved me and that he realized he let a good thing go. He's been wanting me back but I didn't want us to yet even though I was thinking about it. Today, he told me that he had sex with another girl. This really hurts me because I never been with anyone since we've been apart. I know that we are both single and that it should be okay to hook up with other people but I think its wrong that he tells me he still likes me and goes out and have sex with another female. He told me that after I told him that I had sex with others, it really hurt him and he wanted to do the same to see if he could get over me. Even though this is the case, I am still upset. I feel like once a cheater always a cheater. Hes always going to be a hornball. Am I being unreasonable considering we were broken up and single or is this a sign that I need to run far far away from this person who loves himself and sex more than the other person in the relationship. I am so confused. I don't know what I want anymore. I'm just disappointed in myself for continuing to love someone like this.... Any advice would be great.
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flirt, long distance, my ex, sex with another Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2008): No woman should ever ask themselves this question if she has enough respect for herself. This guy i was dating did the same thing, loved the sex in other women instead of giving himself fully to one person. What will happen from here is when he finally decides to care for someone and give his whole self and heart to them and doesnt fake it..that is when he will feel the pain that he caused you because some girl will be doing the same thing to him. And by the time he realizes that the pain "sucks" for lack of a better word, he'll see your face and remember. Of course by that time it will be too late and he'll be just another bad memory you'll never want to replay again. What ive learned as a happily married woman is that when the one that was prescribed for you finally comes..that stuff will never have mattered.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwhen he cheated on me... it was when he was around, before he left to the service. but i guess that makes no difference.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): Disappointed with yourself? That must be pretty tough to live with. You feel hurt by what he's done, and you feel bad for having feelings for him. That's a lot of emotional pain to deal with.You used to be in a relationship with this guy. You were madly in love with him, and after the relationship ended you kept in touch. It's not surprising that you still have feelings for him. You're not a cold monster who can turn off their emotions. I believe you need to seriously think about whether it is healthy for you to judge yourself and your feelings. Maybe you could try thinking more like your best friend would think. They'd want you to take care of yourself and not get yourself down.As to whether you should stay in touch with him? There's not been much honesty in this relationship so far. He cheated on you, you lied to him. It's not my place to judge which is worse, but I'm pretty sure that neither make for a good friendship or relationship. You think he is a hornball and will always be a cheater. Would you recommend him or anyone like him as a boyfriend or friend? If not, maybe you could think about whether he's worth staying in touch with. If you really want to keep him as a friend, maybe you could take the hurtful things out of the relationship? I mean the sexual side. Maybe a clean break from flirting and talking about sex?Whatever you decide - good luck! :-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): Long Distance relationships especially between young people rarely work out, as they really suck! If you really really like someone you want to be with them living in the same area....if you are serious about each other, then someone should move closer.I think you made a huge mistake trying to make your boyfriend jealous by lying about sleeping with other men, it is an old double standard, but it makes you look cheap and makes him feel like he is not special in your eyes.I think the damage is done here....he is telling you about other women he is sleeping with knowing that this will hurt you, that is not a great sign....if the two of you are not in a committed relationship, then you ought not to feel the need to talk in detail about your dating life outside of your relationship....I would try to remain friends, but the best thing here would be to let go....I don't think this indicates your boyfriend is a hopeless hornball, I think you are in an unhappy situation through no fault of your own....distance does not always make the heart grow fonder. Take care.
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A
female
reader, buddys  +, writes (24 January 2008):
 run far away. Even if he does convince you he's still worthy of your love, you will probably never fully trust him again and it will nag at your mind (speaking from past experience). Do you want that?You should not lie to him or play such mind games with him. It often hurts you more, and it only makes you more like him... a liar. If you are always truthful to him, then he never has to guess your true intentions. And if things don't work out between you, you will feel better abuot yourself in the end, and you come out the better person... something to be proud of.
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A
female
reader, Just_keep_swimming  +, writes (24 January 2008):
First, I think you should come clean about the sleeping with other people. Talk to him about it. Long distance relationship are hard and as sad as it is, men have needs. When you miss someone, you can make mistakes while you try and stop it from hurting. But if you don't think you deserve to be with someone who could do that to you, then let him go, and cut all ties. Its hard, and a cliche, but there are more men out there, and they're not all bad! x
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