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female
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anonymous
writes: I went to college and became friends with this guy, will call him Jim. I started dating this other guy, Phil. I talked to Jim about everything and he knew my relationship with Phil was not all that great. I used to stay over at Jim's and we'd talk all night. He had a crush on me since the moment we met but I started dating Phil. My sister came to visit and her and Jim ended up sleeping together. He still tried to be with me after that. I eventually broke up with Phil but didn't want to be with Jim because he had slept with my sister. He kissed me for the first time and everything changed. We tried a relationship. It lasted about 9 months we broke up once and now are broken up again. I love everything about him. I just don't think I can get over that he slept with my sister. I think family occasions would be weird. He always apologizes and said it was stupid and meant nothing and if he could take it back he would. I do want to be with him but I often get mad at him and think it can't work because of that. Before I went to college I told my mom my biggest fear was marrying someone who slept with my sister. Should I take that as a sign he is not right for me? Or does priorities change when it comes to love? Please help with any advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2006): Thanks for all your help. We are still apart but I do love him very much. It's hard to not want to be with him because he is willing to do anything for me. But the issue of him and my sister seems to always be on my mind and it really hurts. I even have dreams about him being around my house and my sister just says something and he laughs because it was funny and I get mad. I dont know if I believe dreams matter but it sure does bring my mood down for the day. I would appreciate any other thoughts anyone has. Thank you very much for taking the time to help me.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (3 November 2006):
 I agree with Dr Pete. It sounds like this is going to just keep on causing an issue. The best thing to do is probably just to stay separated, and to make sure your sister stays away from any future potential boyfriends of yours.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2006): I agree, if your biggest fear is being with someone who has slept with your sister then why have you fallen for a guy who has done this? That's quite interesting, don't you think?
Love doesn't conqueor all - if this issue really upsets you, then don't try and make yourself OK with it, because it won't work and you will both end up resenting each other. You're young and there are plenty of great blokes out there, none of whom who have slept with your sister. Perhaps you would be far happier finding someone in the future who doesn't have this kind of history?
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female
reader, Lemonpixie  +, writes (3 November 2006):
 Well heres the deal you either get over it or you move on. Obviously you believe you wont be able to get over it so i suggest moving on. If he liked you I dont know what his motives were for sleeping with your sister but obviously it's a big mess. If your biggest fear is being with someone who's slept with your sis then there is your answer right there. You're young, you'll find someone else to love who hasn't seen your sister in the special way! Good luck sweetie
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