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male
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*reg
writes: HelloI need help. I have just split with my boyfriend of five months and the separation is killing me.Since the beginning of the year he has had loads of personal problems following the death of his grandfather, his dad hit him over Christmas and he has been disciplined at work which he says has destroyed his confidence.As a result, he says he is in no state of mind to continue our relationship.We last went out together on New Year's Eve, and although we have seen each other intermittently, he has preferred to go out with his friends at weekends.We split last week after he said he did not love me anymore - but I refuse to accept this is true, as before Christmas and in the first week of the New Year he sent me constant text messages telling me how much he loved me.But since the New Year when all his problems arose, these messages stopped. He used to text me each morning and night saying how much he felt for me but it seems I am no longer on his mind.He texted again at the weekend after we agreed to leave it for a month, asking if I was OK. I had to return home as I was so upset. He knew I had returned home but texted asking if I was home and OK. I saw this as a sign of hope.We chatted, and instead of telling me he did not love me, he blamed the split on personal problems. I need this person back and I don't think he knows how much the split has affected me.I want to call him and meet him so we can discuss our problems but I am afraid of being a pest. What do I do?I get the feeling that he is totally undecided but I just don't know.
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (8 February 2006):
 I think he is in a very confusing place right now and that is what is causing his confusion over how he feels about you. You may no longer have been on his mind but that didnt mean that his feelings for you vanished, they may merely have been buried or 'lost' in the confusion caused by what has been happening.
He said that his self-confidence had been destroyed by his own admission. When self-confidence goes it tends to make people question everything they do and feel even if it is not connected with the immediate cause of that collapse. I know this is going to sound really easy to say from my position but i would try not to take it too personally and remind yourself of the bigger picture of what is happening.
I think you are right to take the things you mention as signs of hope. They mean he still cares about you and that has to be good. Be prepared for a long haul though. He has alot to deal with. Give him time and space to do that. Try and subtly remind him of how you feel and that you are always there if he needs you. Use your own internal radar and suggest meeting when you feel he is ready for it. I really hope this helps because it seems like you had something special together. I am sorry for the double posting. Ignore the one below it was posted incomplete in error. Take care and good luck.
A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (8 February 2006):
I think he is in a very confusing place right now and that is what is causing his confusion over how he feels about you. You may no longer have been on his mind but that didnt mean that his feelings for you vanished, they may merely have been buried or 'lost' in the confusion caused by what has been happening.
He said that his self-confidence had been destroyed by his own admission. When self-confidence goes it tends to make people question everything they do and feel even if it is not connected with the immediate cause of that collapse. I know this is going to sound really easy to say from my position but i
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