A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Am I crazy? My bf n I have been together for almost 2 years. We've been friends for almost 10 years. My bf can be very defensive, emotionally immature, and selfish at times; straight up. So these faults dampen a mood, conversation, experience every other day. If we argue he won't care who's around, he'll scream on me in public. He's started to apologize afterwards but the significance of it has waned because he does it so often. He gets mad at me if I leave his side in the morning to feed my mom and pets. He'll accuse me of caring about the opinions of others if he disagrees with my opinion, and especially if I side with someone else. He'll scream at me if I challenge him in public or playfully support someone in agreeing to his faults. Apparently I'm supposed to forego my beliefs to align with his, even if I disagree. He doesn't respect my religious preference and attributes my lack in faith with my anxiety when I think I need more faith in myself. He gets mad at me if I schedule to hang out with other people, when I do it to schedule people around him. He's paranoid of some of our friends, any suggestion I give is voided because obviously I don't know what I'm talking about because I believe everything else other people tell me instead of him. He's all or nothing. If I don't support him 100% then I apparently don't support him at all. I'm no angel in this relationship either but I definitely think things are ridiculously unfair. Can someone confirm if I'm crazy?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2014): BUT, he could turn violent if he learns that you are leaving him. When a woman leaves a man that is the most crucial time to protect yourself. Many a woman has been killed from the act of leaving.
You can't let on to him that you plan to leave. You must do it covertly and quickly. You need a master plan mapped out and a way to disappear from his life completely so that he cannot ever find you.
I advise seeking help from a woman's shelter or a social worker that helps abused women before you do anything at all. You are with a verbal abuser and the next step up to that is physical abuse.
Be ever so cautious making your exit plans.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2014): The description you give creates a picture of a person who is emotionally-unstable. He may have a social disorder, and he is prone to being aggressive toward you and others. Please explain to me how this is in anyway a friendship worth preserving?
Your entire post could be used as an example why you should distance yourself from someone exhibiting such behavior. He's almost a textbook anti-social and control-freak. Such behavior nearly cancels all qualities worthy of continued friendship, or any continued association at all. It's behavior you avoid to protect yourself. Unless you are a licensed mental-health professional, and he has submitted to your treatment; tell me how you intend to help him?
At best, you can suggest he seek professional counseling; and like all your other friends, get out of his way.
Not being an angel doesn't justify subjecting yourself to ill-treatment or abuse. Does it? Correct me if I'm wrong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2014): You being with him has not yet helped him change his ways, perhaps he'll change if he realises he cannot treat people like he has treated you because they will leave his life. But you cannot live your life wanting to help someone with his mindset, my mum spends her life justifying the behaviour of a similarly aggressive man, and should you ever have children you do not want the drama that unfolds because of someone like him. He's shown his true colours, he won't change until he accepts it and makes a conscious effort himself to try and change. You've put up with so much already, why out your mind through any more of this? It's not selfish to put yourself first, especially since you have tried with this man. If I were in your position, I wouldn't stand for any more of it and for my own sanity would leave.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 March 2014):
 Why are you still with him?
You have a forest full of red flag, yet you stick around. Why?
I agree with eyeswideopen, it's not about him being nuts. It's NUTS not walking away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2014): Please get out of there.
Leave (I don't even think you owe him an explanation, it should be obvious) and NEVER talk to him again.
And DON'T believe him if he says he'll change, because he won't.
Staying with him is a waste of your precious time.
We only get one life--you deserve a happy, love-filled relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIve given him leeway because ive seen him for years deal with people and old friends who have hurt him in the past. The way he is with me, hes with his friends, a lil less. He doesnt drink at all. Hes alwats seemed hurt to me, and yes although it's not my job, I care for him enough to try to help. I know this isnt healthy and im preparing to leave if this continues. The best outcome is if we can remain friends after this. When were good were good, but when were not isnt worth losing the friendship. A friend said 'hurt people hurt people', this is in no way an excuse but I want to help him. But i know i need to help myself more.
And he is in no way violent with me but i see him needing anger management.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2014): You've listed more than enough good reasons to breakup with someone. Don't you think?
You've let things go way to far. His behavior sounds very much like a person abusing drugs. Does he drink a lot?
It is time for you to get out of the relationship; because it has deteriorated to the point of being abusive. It may eventually become violent. His temper is growing out of control to the degree he doesn't care where he displays his rage.
The only thing crazy is to stick around to see how bad it gets.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 March 2014):
 You are indeed crazy if you stay in this relationship.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (20 March 2014):
 He sounds nutty as a fruitcake. you should run like the wind!
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