A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Question Especially geared for the menMrX and I have been dating since June. We are monogamous with each other (sexually) I know most of his friends, but not his family and although we act like it, he really won't commit to saying he's my actual boyfriend. Real piece of work this one by the way.We spend on average, including sleepovers, 30 hours a week together. Maybe 2-3 days a week. So I'm frustrated and not feeling him communicating with me at all. He's like a steel trap. We are getting ready for bed and he leaves his phone out while he takes a shower. I didn't want to do it I never do things like this EVER but I just had to know if something or someone else was involvedI Checked his texts. That's it nothing else. But found some stuff. Girls he talks to not sexually but kinda romantically. They don't even live in this state. One I know is an ex. Mostly I'm mad because when he's not talking to me he is talking to them!!! Why am I not enough?Anyway I confronted immediately and fessed up to what I did. He is extremely angry at me and seems to not want to forgive me. But I've not gotten an apology from him about the girls he says its not what I think it is. Don't they all?Am I overeacting? Is he a douchebag? Is what I did deplorable?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): Original poster Here
Great answers. Thanks!
We talked more and he is kinda screwed up. He told me I'm great and he doesn't know why h can't let something good like me in his life
His father cgested on his mom and they are divorced. He lost faith in relationships
Well in any case I'm sad but trying to move on
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 December 2012):
 You checked because you had a feeling that he wasn't being 100% honest with you.
Its funny I've been with men who I didn't trust and rightfully so and I when I checked they were busted.
my husband... it would never occur to me to check his phone or his emails....
and I agree most men know after 6 months together if they want to be serious.... if he's still dragging his feet about it, he may not be feeling serious about you....
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (18 December 2012):
 No what you did isn't deplorable. I think the kneejerk reaction of people to say "how DARE you look at his stuff" is a little over the top. You had suspicions and confirmed them.
He is angry because you discovered what he was hiding, and it's easier to put the blame on you then cop up to what was happening.
You don't trust him (I don't blame you, trust has to be earned and he hasn't done much in the right direction), he doesn't seem to care if you trust him or not and is keeping secrets, probably best to move on. He doesn't even want to commit to you 6 months in and still won't even call you his girlfriend. He does not sound like boyfriend material at all.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (18 December 2012):
 When you say he's talking to them "romantically" - what do you mean?
As far as whether or not what you did being deplorable - You saw some red flags - you had a supposition - so you acted on it. I'm not going to judge you for that, but it's obvious you don't trust him, and without that trust - there really isn't much of a chance for your relationship.
The fact that you've been sleeping together for six months, and he doesn't consider himself your boyfriend, tells me that he isn't as serious about you as you are about him. Couple that with the lack of trust and the fact that you just seem so unhappy with the over-all relationship in general - Maybe these are signs that he isn't the one for you, and you should just move on.
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