A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I just had an argument. and Well I dont quite understand him, I was hoping on advice.I told him last night that I wanted to get a shower to fool around. [ and We have this big shower, so theres room, or even a jacquzzi bath]But instead, he jerked off.We ended up getting into a fight, because he wasnt in the mood to fool around with me, but he was in the mood to pleasure himself.He didnt get to finish. A couple hours of arguing. Next morning, hugs me, gets up out of bed and goes in the bathroom and is jerking off again.?? Again he says hes not in the mood for me. But is in the mood for that.I guess I just dont get it.Why isnt he in the mood for me, but is in the mood for that?
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male
reader, Mark25  +, writes (26 July 2008):
 For a man wanking is as easy as combing their hair. It's more physical. Whereas for a woman they have to be in the mood. Men can do it out of boredom. If they're really tired a quick release is all they want. Don't forget, a man can come in minutes. For a woman it can take up to forty minutes. Most men wank everyday. It's perfectly natural. It doesn't mean he doesn't want sex with you or doesn't love you. The only thing that you can do is talk to him. You'll find most men are quite open about masturbation. If he starts wanking again ask him if you could do it for him. He won't turn you down. That might even give him the encouragement for sex. The only thing that you have to be careful of is him not tending to your needs. Make sure it's not one sided. When he's off work or whatever then try and initiate sex. If he still refuses then you really do need to talk to him. But, don't worry. All men masturbate. You're never going to stop that. He was probably just doing what feels natural to all men.
A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (25 July 2008):
 Don't over think it. There ARE times when a man just wants to get it done with and off his mind. However, you might offer to help. I don't mean to sound crude but if you see him doing it try something along the lines of "Hi Hon (or whatever you call him), let me help you with that" or "Look, if you're going to be cumming anyway you may as well point it in my direction" and then you can help him out without it having to be full sex. If he turns down that offer then he does have a problem.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): There is a thing called obsessive/compulsive masterbation...look it up on the internet. Can't tell if this is his problem, but it sure does sound like it.
Believe this though, it's not you, it's him that has a problem. You could be Playboy's playmate of the month and he would still do this!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 July 2008):
 Spanking the monkey AIN'T having sex. Women seems unable to grasp this basic fact. Men jerk off as easily and with about the same complex thought patterns as blowing their nose.
It maybe as simple as that you gave him a hardon, he didn't feel like having sex so just took care of it quickly and efficiently. Perhaps the same as you not feeling like cooking a 5 course meal but still eating a hamburger from a drive-in.
Why did he not feel like having sex with you? Who knows, you sure don't give any details about your relationship. Maybe he is fed up with you, think it is to much effort, has other things on his mind.
Perhaps he is just used to it, lets face it, boys get a lot of practice taking care of little willy without the help of a woman.
I have no reason for why he behaves the way he does, but it doesn't have to be that he prefers jerking off to sex. Anymore then eating a happy meal means you don't like steak and wine.
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A
male
reader, sunset724 +, writes (25 July 2008):
He probably has some deep seated hostility or anger toward you.It seems as if he is holding his anger inside and that isn't good. Some counseling from a professional will help. Or just try talking to him to resolve this matter.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): How do you really know he was wanking?(ok, 'jerkin' off')Did you see him do it? Doesn't he lock the door? That in itself is strange but if he is wanking instead of shagging, there could be many reasons. Maybe you are just too demanding - too much like 'hard work' when all HE wants is a little 'light relief' I think we can all be a little lazy and selfish like that, on occasion. Then again, and I perhaps shouldn't set the seed of doubt here, but maybe he played away and is wondering if he has caught anything he would rather not pass on to you. Actually, that is unlikely as I am sure he wouldn't be wanking with that weighing on his mind.
No substitute for communication I'm afraid. Try discussion WITHOUT arguing! Hopefully, you will get to the root cause.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): I guess he doesn't like losing an argument, and this is his way of saying "I'm sulking, and I'm immature, and just to show you how pissed I am with you, I'm jerking off rather than bonking you - so there. Ner!" (poking his tongue out)
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