A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello guys, I'm a 19-year-old girl who has been dating this 31-year-old Irish guy for 3 months. We have our problems, but we get along. He's fun, caring and all and we're in a committed relationship. The trouble is that when we were joking around one day I accidentally picked up the topic of love and came to the point where I asked him if he loved me and he replied that he was not in love with me, which really hurt me.Since then I've felt something's wrong. He also told me he didn't want marriage or kids, which was fine with me cuz I'm only 19. But it makes me feel that he's with me simply because I'm young and he doesn't need to worry about those long-term committments. When I offered that we should break up he just wouldn't let me go! I don't understand. I feel I'm wasting my youth. I don't need a relationship so I'm not weighing between him and another guy--I'm weighing whether it's worthy to have him in my life.The problem is that he didn't feel he was in love with his first girlfriend(they'd been together for 5 months) until they broke up, and the feeling of love lasted so long. (Though I doubt it was love.)Why isn't him willing to break up? What should I do?
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female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (30 August 2014):
 Do you want more from him?
Stop having sex and see how long he sticks around.
Or just finish it and walk away. What he wants doesn't come into it.
What do YOU want?
Your young and there are plenty of years in front of you to date. Enjoy being 19 and let yourself grow and mature into an adult - without this man who doesn't respect you or take you seriously
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (29 August 2014):
 His message was loud and clear to those of us who are familiar with how guys speak. He said:
"I really like to have sex with you... but I don't value you as either a partner/girlfriend or human being. I want to stay with you only to take sexual advantage of you. AND, since you are young and naive, it's pretty clear that I am going to get away with this for quite some time."
Hope you take this (message) to heart, and decide that you really aren't going to be his available-pussy for too much longer..
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 August 2014):
 I would say first that it's ONLY been 3 months, so maybe he doesn't say "I love you" lightly. He doesn't say it till he means it. Which would sort of make sense after only 3 months. BUT I would think if he really DID care and want to be with you he would have given you JUST that explanation.
However, does he SHOW you that he cares? That he WANTS to be with you? Saying "I love you" isn't the only way to show love to a person.
I DO think he is with you because you are young, and he thinks a younger partner won't expect as much from his as one his own age. I think you READ him right.
As for him not being willing to break up, well, so what? YOU can still say this is not what *I* want and end it. You are not "bound" to him or "bound" to date him til *HE* is willing to walk away.
In the 3 months you have dated you say "We have our problems, but we get along" - to me that seems off, most people don't have problems in the relationship this early on, but again, you two could have some cultural differences that come into play, since you don't mention WHAT kind of problems it's hard to tell.
The question is.. WHAT do you want?
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