A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year and a half; we moved in together about 7months ago. Lately we have been going through a rough patch. I know that I have had trust issues due to past experiences and that has been the root of most of our problems. I have been working on my personal issues a lot lately and have made great progress for myself and for us. But, he still doesn't seem happy. He has admitted to me that he's been depressed, but he isn't 100% sure why. At first he said it had nothing to do with us, now he thinks it may. We have contemplated taking a "break" or breaking up, but he says he doesn't want to - even though he admits to thinking about it. He still gives me kisses all the time and tells me that he loves me, but he's become very reserved and isolated. I feel like I am getting such mixed signals from him and I don't know how to interpret anything. When I offer to talk about things with him he just says that it's something he has to work out on his own. I'm not sure how much longer I can take living with the tension and uncertainty that is going on right now? I really love him, but is this a sign that things are not meant to be? Should I just get out now?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2007): Here's an update. Things seemed to be going well, but then he said he needed a "break". So, i moved out for one week. He kept telling me that he loves me and that he believes in us and thinks he can be happy again with me and us; but that he needs to clear his head. I don't really understand how you can love someone and then put them through this agony, but this is where we stand. Do you think we can work through the break? Or, do you think he's putting off the inevitable break-up?
A
female
reader, nicola79  +, writes (22 May 2007):
 you poor thing. its so hard when one of you is feeling this way. i know he says he doesnt want to have a break but i think you would both benefit from it.
it gives you both time to do some thinking,and be able to just have that space .
i do really feel for you because it cant must be terrible to have your partner saying things like that.has he been to the doctors about this? if not then he must because it wont get better for him.
talk to him but dont let him call all the shots ok
i will be thinking of you. xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (22 May 2007):
 I just got out of a relationship which ended because of this same reason. My ex had been abused in more ways than one, and said that she wasn't ready to trust people. She gave me a shot, and we broke up almost every other day. She would tell me she loved me one day, and the next that she couldn't be with me. If he's going through what I think he is, his pride is a little injured, and he blames not just you, but himself. Right now, he's probably down on himself for falling for you and knows that he needs a break, and at the same time, is so in love with you that he doesn't want to break up. It's hard when you give someone everything and even after they've proven themselves trustworthy, his partner isn't willing to overlook her past. I think the best thing that you can do at this point is deal with your trust issues first, because you're going to be hot one day and cold the next to him, and he's going to end up confused and hurt. I know this sounds corny, but I'll tell you what helped for a little while before my breakup. Tell him that you're willing to overcome your past, because you realize that he wants to give you the world. Look him in the eyes and tell him that even though you struggle a little inside, you're not going anywhere, and you'll fight to be with him. If you make him believe that you stand by him and fight to be with him no matter what, he'll come around. I promise.
Dv1
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