A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've never done this before, but I always come to this site so I figured I'd try... I met this guy in August. Initially I had my doubts, but I put aside the superficials and really looked at him as a person and began to fall for him. The physical chemistry was there and I felt like we meshed well together. We've never had sex, but things have gotten hot and heavy. After our first night experiencing this a few days later he asked me where did I see this going. I said that I was going with the flow, but didnt want to see things fall apart. He said he saw things getting serious, but wasnt looking for a relationship. He also said that there are other girls as well. I was immediately crushed and told him I didnt want to see him anymore, because everytime I involve myself with someone who is seeing other people I always come up short in the end. His reaction to my reaction was sad. He texted me and said I told you because of what you mean to me. I'm sorry, I just want to slow things down but still see where things go. After thinking about it, I gave in and things went back to EXACTLY how they were before, however I was falling harder. When I would ask him how he felt about me he would say "I enjoy your company, but I know I cant give you what you want." It sucked, but I sucked it up. Things continued but I could tell he was backing away. One day he told me I'm fighting how I feel about you because I know I cant give you what you want. I feel like we're in a relationship and thats not what I want right now. It finally got to the point where I told him I considered him someone very important to me and completely bared my feelings to him. He told me he didnt feel the same way and that there was someone else and he wanted to just date one person. This is where things got difficult. He said I still want to be friends. He took me out to a restaurant and for the first part of it, it felt like we were on a date. We were making googly eyes at each other until the conversation came up. Basically he told me that he felt him and the other girl had more in common and thats where he wanted to be. He then said he didnt see himself in a relationship with me. Yet he has tears in his eyes and is telling me I dont want to lose you. He drops me off at my house and then I guess he starts calling me. I'm not answering the phone and he shows up at my house and is like I was worried. I want you to know I'm always here for you. I decide to let it go. Not be mad and just try to get over it. Yet with us still talking its confusing because of the things he says. He asks do I still want to hang out some time, etc. Well today I find out exactly who the girl is and he says I'm sorry I didnt want you to find out that way. He then tells me that he showed up at one of my meetings because he knew I was there and he didnt want to admit it. He said I dont care if you hate me, I will always care about you. I asked him was he confused on how he felt because thats how it seems. I told him his actions dont match his words and I felt like he was holding on just as much as I am. I said that the friendship is cool but if we cant move forward because of it then we need to stop. He said that he's not confused, he just wants to be friends but he wants me to be happy. I said well do you want to move on. Do you not want to have feelings for me anymore. At first he said no, then he said yes. I said do you still have feelings for me and he said no. I said fine, well leave me be. Stop caring so much and prove to me that you're really done with me because I dont believe you. I guess what I'm wondering is am I completely delusional to believe that he's not over me? I really believe that he is fighting us. I've been in situations before and my gut instinct always told me that its over, but in this situation its telling me otherwise. I just dont know what to do anymore and its soo hard. I'm willing to let go, but I'm scared that if I let it he will realize he's made a mistake and it will be too late. For those into zodiac. He's a libra and I'm a sag. Thanks :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dotty Bud  +, writes (11 October 2010):
Hi,
I feel like this is me right now!
What happened? Curious to know.
A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (21 November 2009):
 When men say they don't want a relationship but still act interested in you, it's because they want guilt-free sex without any complications or strings attached. If he really wanted to be in a relationship with you, he would find a way to make it work. It sounds like what he really wants is to keep you hanging on the side, in case things with the other girl don't work out. I suggest you cut off all contact with him and focus you time and energy elsewhere.
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