A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI'm with a guy for 2 years, I love him, he says he does love me but also says there is no future for us since he does not want to be married to someone older than him for 5 years. 1) often talks about his marriage and talks abou how beautiful that girl is gonna be2) reminds me every time that he is gonna leave me once he finds that girl3) also tells me he can never find someone like me ever, whom loves him unconditionally4) when nearly left him few months ago( I got pregnant and he doesn't want the baby i miscarried anyway) he called me few times and when I said I'm breaking up, he tried to convince me and when he couldn't, he blocked me and moved on.5) he is not seeing anyone right now, cause the only condition I have put in this relationship is never to cheat on me. So he doesn't, but he will leave me once he finds that dream girl or once he got bored with me.I have a decent career but don't have much friends, I'm an introvert.Ok, the question is what the hell is wrong with me, why can't I leave him. Everytime I go crawling back to him once he calls me. What is missing in me that I need him to validate. I did have a normal family upbringing, both my parents were around and their marriage is strong till now. I don't want to be like this, I'm sick of me. Please help me Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (19 November 2012):
 One of the twisted things about love and relationships is that the misery of being "alone" and "single" is often less painful than being with someone who doesn't love you.
What you are experiencing is completely normal. You certainly have invested a lot of time into this man and he has been a semi-permanent fixture in your life. For the past two years, your life has revolved around him and being together. So why are you surprised that you can't let him go?
I think part of letting go is really accepting that you won't ever work out. He doesn't want kids, he doesn't see you getting married and he isn't fitting you into his life's plans. Also, he's been pretty up front with his intentions and has even put you down by verbally picturing his future -- without you. You keep chasing an illusion and setting yourself up for more heartache.
It sounds like you have a lot going for yourself but what is holding yourself back is: fear. You probably feel that this is the best you can get and that you won't find anyone better.
If only you allow yourself to meet other people, you'll soon find out there are plenty of men out in this great, big world who will make your boyfriend look like a putz. But you are going to have to take a leap of faith and let go of your attachment. You just need to convince yourself that you deserve better and that there IS truly someone out there that will worship you.
Each day you remain with him, it only makes it harder to leave and it makes you less likely to meet someone who will capture your heart's fancy.
Eddie
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 November 2012):
 He has already shot your self esteem down, so what good does it do when you are being hard on yourself? There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. He is taking advantage of your generous nature. When he begs for you it triggered your motherly instinct to protect his feelings. You tried to be optimistic with him to try things with him again. You are doing the natural thing and you are a good person. You just have to know that a lot of people do not deserve your love.
A relationship breakup is not a personal failure. Dumping a person does not make you a heartless bitch. Nothing is wrong with you. You are just being nice, the similar version of a nice guy who finishes last. Only be nice when the guy is worthy of your attention. Your ex has done nothing to earn that.
Simply block his calls. Your love towards him is not unconditional. Otherwise you wouldn't have tried to break up with him.
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