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anonymous
writes: Me and my boyfriend seem to argue a lot and he left yesterday. I just rung him to sort things out and he said he's wasted the last seven years on me and he's not wasting anymore. Should I keep trying to sort things out with him or leave him alone? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2005): If he is like me(about to give up on 7 years with a fiance)then he has reasons.You should look at the reasons and try to reconcile your differences between them.He is saying this because he is hurt bad by something.He says it is wasted because he is not getting what he wants.The fault lies with communication, with loving communication and perserverance, trust is created.Trust is more important to a woman than a man because a man knows that everyone makes mistakes. A woman sees trust as the #1 pre-requisite for love while a man sees sex as #1.Do something together that you both will enjoy - make it something you never do together normally.
A reader, David, writes (11 February 2005): There seems to be a disproportionate number of people that have problems round the 7 year mark! I have seen it with friends and experienced myself.Some, including my own situation split up for good and for the best, some got back together and one couple I know got married. As they say what will be, will be.The best thing to do is leave him alone. Regardless of what he said, he doesn't really believe the last 7 years were a waste. That seems like an angrily spat, hurtful remark made in the heat of the moment. Forget about it, we all say stupid things we don't mean.You have had an arguement on top of other arguements that has tipped him over the edge. He obviously needs time to calm down. Keeping on trying to contact him won't do either of you any favours. He'll be trying to get his head together by himself. And he'll feel pressured and annoyed by what he will regard as 'pestering'. (Even though you are just trying to sort things.)The best idea is to go out with your friends, have a good few nights out, a few 'best-mate-and-too-much-wine' nights in. Talk about how you feel to a close pal. Get stuff off your chest that way. If you can change the background on your mobile, have a message that says "Do not phone him!" as a warning when you are drunk and thinking about it. Leave post-it notes on the reciever of your house phone. Give yourself the same space you are allowing him and try to enjoy yourself the best you can. More time enjoying yourself is less thinking about the situation that you can't do anything about at the moment!It is not a pleasant time for either of you but you obviously need some time apart.It will fall one way or the other in it's own due course.Be strong. The ball is in his court.
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