A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:(I'm a 22y/o, male) I split up with my boyfriend (20y/o) three weeks ago, we'd been apart for a few months because of his university but made the effort to see each other often. He said we'd grown apart and he didn't want to be in a long term relationship (we'd been together over two years) and he didn't want the commitment anymore. I can't move on. Splitting up with him has made me realise what little else I have, which is depressing but good because I'm addressing these things/problems. Since we've split I've realised how in love i was, I want him back more than anything in the world. Does anyone have any advice on how to get him back? Does anyone believe it can happen, or I'm I being slightly delusional? Has anyone ever won an ex back?Cheers in advance for any advice given. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've decided to have one more attempt to win him back, and i'm using valentine's day as the perfect excuse.
i'm going to send him a hand made card on valentine's day, with a date and time to meet me at our favourite restaurant.
if he turns up i know we have a chance, if he doesn't then we don't and i move on. i don't expect him to turn up, but i feel i have to do this, if i look back in 10 years i'd hate to think there was something i could have done.
do people think this is romantic/sweet? is there anything else i can do?
cheers for your help.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks very much for your reply, I really appreciate it and there's some excellent advice.
I'd just like to clear up; When I said I have nothing, at the end of 2009 I had a job, was doing work experience and had a boyfriend. At the start of 2010 I have none of those things. I didn't mean I have nothing because of my relationship. Also, most of my friends from uni have moved home and friends from home are off travelling or have full time jobs.
These things I'm trying to change, as well as others. I'm changing for me though not him.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (6 February 2010):
 It can happen, that people get back with their exes.
Let's look at this from the practical sense, he said you'd grown apart and you said you had little else other than this relationship. This tells me that basically you were expecting him to be your everything. That can be very suffocating.
He's only 20, you're 22; to me, you've got so much maturing to do still. Perhaps he's more adventurous than you are, and more social? You're happy just being with him, and don't have much desire to hang around with other people? I don't know, it's only my conjecture based on the limited information you gave us.
If he doesn't want to commit right now, though, there's not much you can do. Keep on growing as a person, expand your horizons, be interested in other people, blah blah blah blah.
Look, you're hurting right now, it's only been three weeks. You didn't initiate the break up, you didn't want it. It's hard. Right now, though, I think you should focus on comforting yourself and not on trying to recapture him. He's been drifting away, you're just playing catch up.
Engage yourself in activities that really truly capture your attention (you know what those are, they are the ones where time just seems to evaporate, where your whole being is focused on whatever it is) and recognize that you are going through a mourning period. Give yourself time to feel sorrow, anger, frustration, regret, just feel everything. But then, get up, and focus on the present and the future with yourself.
Getting him back is a possibility, but not if you stay where you are right now. Move move move, do do do, go out there and experience life and don't stay home and mope. Okay?
Good luck.
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