A
female
age
41-50,
*1983
writes:Dear Cupid,A couple of months ago I was dating a separated man going through a divorce. He had moved back to his hometown and was setting into his new life with new job etc. I'd also recently gone through a break up.It went really well to begin with, we had a lot of fun together and great connection and then valentines day came around and he dumped me. It was a bit unexpected as things had been going well and I wasn't aware we were even formally girlfriend and boyfriend. I was just enjoying getting to know each other and seeing what happened. We spoke about it and I let him now that I didn't think this was a formal relationship and was enjoying how things were but understood of course. After a few weeks we started texting and chatting again, met up a couple of times and got back together. He said he dumped me because he'd been really depressed for so long and being so happy had scared him. I then said I thought we should just stay friends because he didn't seem like he was wanting a relationship and I felt I was no in a place where I was ready for one so wanted to focus on finding that. It was because whilst it was great hanging out and we seemed to have an amazing connection, I didn't want to get distracted from other guys. I felt uncomfortable sleeping with him without more of a commitment as in the past this has been a mistake. I was worried he was sleeping around, or thinking of getting back with his wife, or just not ready. He just generally seemed happy t hang out but not opening up much emotionally so figured it wasn't really going to go anywhere. I was right - he confirmed he wasn't looking to 'settle down'.A few months past and I texted him will little response. We were supposed to go to an event so I let him know Id given tickets to a friend. He said it would be awkward for us to go together. I'd had a bad day and I said I thought he was only interested in sleeping with me. He responded with 'Wow. Really?' I apologised but after this communication was very low. A few weeks later I sent him a text to see how he was and said I thought it was a shame we were not able to stay friends. He responded by blocking me on all his social media but not phone number. I said I thought blocking me was unneccessary. He said it was because he was angry and felt I accused him of using me previously. He felt my saying it was a shame we weren't friends was 'dramatic' I explained that I just wasn't comfortable with the sort of casual dating set up with anyone and apologised for the off the cuff comment that was intended. I said I completely understood if he didn't want to stay friends of course, it was just I have quite a few friends that originally were exes so am comfortable with that myself. He said he was sorry for this and if he'd been an arsehole and could we draw a line under it and he did think the same about remaining friendly and had no hard feelings towards me.It ended with me saying that I felt he didn't really want to be in touch but if he wanted to text me it would be fine. He responded that would be interested in that. I'm still blocked though on his social media. What should I do? I find his reactions puzzling. If he didn't want to be friends he could just say that, I've let him know that would be fine. We weren't actively communicating through social media anymore.
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female
reader, Saphire_gurl +, writes (22 August 2019):
There seems to be a pattern with this guy. You seemed to get on well and have a good time. Then he’d dump you. Then you got back in touch and would hang out again. Then he’d suddenly dump you again. The first time he dumped you should have been a red signal for you to stay away from this guy. I wouldn’t give into the excuses he gives when he suddenly wants to reconnect with you. I think this relationship will continue to only give you unhappiness and confusion. He might just be using you. Try and forget him and move on. Don’t agree to talk to him if he tries to get in touch with you again. Do you have friends and family that can help distract you during this time? You can keep busy by doing other things you enjoy too. Some people only come into our lives only to be friends very briefly.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 July 2019):
 Leave him alone, OP
If ANYONE is being "dramatic" it's him. You two aren't going to work out. He isn't really ready to be dating but doesn't want a platonic friendship either. You dn't want casual and that is ALL he can really offer. He has left this hanging because he didn't want to fully reject you in words, but his actions HAS rejected you as a friend or anything else.
Stop wasting your time on a guy who can't give you what you want. HE is not likely going to change.
MOVE on, find someone who is ready and willing to DATE you seriously.
And being friends with exes is RARELY a good idea. I certainly wouldn't date a guy who still kept his exes in his life just calling them friends now. Sorry, and I think plenty of guys feel the same. Not saying that OVER time you can't become friends/friendly with an ex, but generally I'd leave the past in the past. If you want FRIENDS then MAKE friends. Maybe make some FEMALE friends.
JUST block, delete and MOVE on.
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