A
female
age
30-35,
*aawr
writes:One day during class, a male transfer student from Italy, asked me for help. I'm the type of person who always helps others, so of course I helped him. (That's when we first started talking.) A few months later after we started talking more, I developed feelings for him. He was always attractive, but I started finding him even more attractive. I started sending him signals that I liked him. Eventually I told him because it was starting to get quite obvious, and he said that he liked me too, but he said that he didn't know what he wanted. So became close friends, like best friends. (The kind of friends who always make fun of each other and argue.) Just recently, he asked me over to his house on a Saturday so that we could study together. After we studied, we played chess and watched some Southpark episodes, he told me that he planned that out so that he could get "closer" to me. He paused the Southpark episode in the middle and asked me, implicitly, that he wanted to become more than just friends and that we would make a good team. I had no idea what he was trying to ask me, at the time I thought he wanted to have sex (that wasn't it), but I said yes anyways. There was an awkward silence for awhile and I just started watching Southpark again. We were holding hands, he walked me home. He was leaning in to kiss me, but it got interrupted by one of my distant family members. Then I told him that he'd better get home, he went. I was so disappointed, yet excited at the same time because he was the first 'boyfriend' in a while. The following Monday, I was so excited to see him during class and when I saw him, he didn't seem excited to see me. That was a total kill-joy for me. Later that night he said that something just didn't 'click' for him, but he knows he wants to be more than friends. He said that he finds me very attractive but seeing me as anything more than a friend is just awkward now. He also said he's afraid that if we got into a serious relationship and something bad were to happen, then we wouldn't be friends anymore because he doesn't stay friends with his ex's. He's telling people that we aren't going out, so I guess it's not official. So now I'm here, and I'm frightfully confused on what to do because he's not showing any kind of sign/affection that he's trying to make it work. And I think that if he doesn't show any sign soon, that my feelings for him will deteriorate. I don't want that to happen, I'm seriously confused and I fear that no matter what happens, I'm going to be hurt in the end.What should I do? Should I just stay friends with him even though I know I want to be more? Do you think that his 'awkwardness' will go away? (Please help me, asap! Thank you.)
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): He was just testing the waters. Now that he knows you are interested he is satisfied. He is not really interested in you right now. But if presses he will have sex with you, but it will be one or two times and he will use you. Don't be so available to him as a friend and definitely not sexually. If you do you will get hurt.
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