A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Well I have a boyfriend of about 6 months or did have. He was so romantic when I first met him, really interested in getting to know me take me out on fantastic great dates. He was amazing and sex was amazing, he would always tell me I was the best and how beautiful and fantastic I was! I really felt meant it and it was in his body language as well, which I think is important.However, we had this romantic day and night together about a week and a half ago, he even bought me lingerie.He kept on going on how amazing I was that night, but then he said he was having sex the other day but it was so bad not as good me. I was cool and just asked him well how many girls are you seeing at the moment to which he said I am sorry that is my bad English I meant two years ago (English is his second language) so I just decided to ignore it even though his English any other time is perfectly fine. Then we started talking about our fantasies and he kept asking me about group sex which I said I do not want to do.I just said no guy can have sex with me without wanting more and calling me and wouldn't things get complicated then. He just said your very confident women and you just wanna be amazing to one person. When he left the next morning he was acting like something was wrong (but I did not ask him, I was playing it cool again) and he even took his toothbrush with him.Now he has has not called me it has been a week and a half. I now feel it is over. I just do not get why ppl want to have group sex, how can it help a relationship.To me it is just ego and why would another girl want to see her boyfriend have sex with someone else .. well unless she is bisexual and really wants a women .. maybe.If anyone can help me understand, I would be grateful. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (10 September 2009):
 Well, if he is bisexual, that might factor in a lot more than just a multi-partner lifestyle.
At the site of
http://www.franktalks.com/radio
I also have interviews with bisexuals (some in BDSM, some not) and that might give you some information on the concept of being sexually attracted to one gender, and emotionally (relationship oriented) to the other gender.
Hope it all helps.
-Frank Kermit
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (10 September 2009):
Well, if he is bisexual, that might factor in a lot more than just a multi-partner lifestyle.
At the site of
http://www.franktalks.com/radio
I also have interviews with bisexuals (some in BDSM, some not) and that might give you some information on the concept of being sexually attracted to one gender, and emotionally (relationship oriented) to the other gender.
Hope it all helps.
-Frank Kermit
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A
male
reader, oBaLLiNo  +, writes (10 September 2009):
honestly guys think they have power over females(im a guy) but usually when they ask about or mention it it means they want it. now its not always the best idea to do what he wants. in this case group sex probly would b something u should say no 2. and if he wants tell him how u feel about it and if je still wants it he is probly using you or is hinting at a break up. 70%-80% of guys would rather the girl break up with them rather than the other way around. my advice he can respect what you want or hes not worth it.
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A
female
reader, teiliababy +, writes (10 September 2009):
 no my opinion on that is it will not help a relationship at all maybe for the man but no for a woman unlike the woman is bi and has no problem with that like you said. but having group sex that's not gonna make you feel good knowing that he is having sex with other woman at the same time. he should be happy with one person there is no need to bring more people in on it. i think and this is my opinion that if he cant understand why you do not wanna do it and if he continues to not come home just find someone how will treat your right and be fully committed to just you and only you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 September 2009):
 I think it's a good thing if you never hear from him again. He wants multiple partners you don't.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): Thanks Frank, for the information I am going to read it and listen to it and I hope it helps.
At the moment I just feel as he satisfies me completely and I do not want another.
He has been my most romantic boyfriend ever and in the beginning just showered my with attention and I don't understand how it could be erotic seeing me with another man, if I apparently I am the best.
Well .. he is also bisexual (well has had sex with men, but says he doesn't want to be in a relationship with one ever). I just think he wants to see me with a man to satisfy that part of him (ever thought he says he does not want to be in a relationship with one).
But, we do lover BDSM though.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): I am not so sure he left because you wouldn't have group sex. Your only reason for not having sex with several men at a time is that you would be so awesome that all the other men would be calling you and after you.
Maybe what he was looking for was that you are the type of woman who wants to commit to one man.
Maybe he thinks you are just in this thing with him for the sex, even though that is how we women think men think, sometimes they worry about the same thing from us.
Why are you so afraid of taking a risk? If you truly have feelings for him why don't you try being honest, if you don't and you just like him for the sex, then what do you care? Just find another guy.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (9 September 2009):
Watching your partner have sex with another person can heighten a person's sexual attraction to their partner. For men, seeing his wife have sex with another man might make his own orgasm with her more intense (source: the book Sperm Wars). For women, seeing their husbands have sex with other women, re-enforces their own sexual desires for their husbands. This does not apply to all people, but it does work for people open to the swinger lifestyle.
Also, some people see their desire for multiple-partner sex as part of their sexual orientation (much like how BDSM practitioners see their fetishes as much a part of their orientation, as a homosexual would for desiring same gender people)
I have interviewed a number of swingers, polyamory, BDSM people and you can listen to those interviews for free at
http://www.franktalks.com/radio
It will give you some resources and information to understand your boyfriend better.
-Frank Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
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