A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am having major problems with my husband, been married for 29 years, I found out he was watching porn behind my back, he said he would stop, I caught him again a few months later, he was ashamed and promised he would stop, since then I haven't found any films or anything on the computer, but when we are out I see him looking at younger women, I have had arguments with him over this. He said he would be truthful about things since the films but again he is lying to me about masturbating, I know for a fact that he does this on average twice a week, not much energy left to have sex with me, he doesn't make love to me, I feel like a mastubatory tool for him. He doesn't know I know, but should I tell him that I know that he is mastubating behind my back and why does he prefer to do this instead of being with a real woman who loves him, is he lacking in something. I have kept myself in trim and not let myself go as people say, he says he is still attracted to me so why. Is he bored and imagining that the grass is greener, he certainly gives me that impression. He thinks that all men act this way and it is me that is nuts, I feel that it is cheating either way, with the films and on his own because he is seeking sexual gratification without me, is there any hope left for my marriage.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): This is from the original poster, thank you all for your answers, to the first reply, I may have come across as a bit strait laced, but believe me I am not, I have bought sexy undies, and toys, and he is not interested, he only wants to have sex when he wants to,he never lets me start it at all, very strange I know, and I have watched porn with him in the past, but he obviously prefers it on his own. To Leanne.od, I know what you are saying about being unfaithful you explain the physical unfaithfullness, but there is such a thing as visual and mental unfaithfullness and this is where he is at, he looks at other women, on the younger side, let's say 20 something's, anyway he doesn't just have a glance then look away, oh no, he takes it all in, this is called objectifying, storing up the image to masturbate to later, so I think that is not a very nice thing to do when you are in a committed relationship, don't forget he has a problem with porn, he has let this affect him. I do not nag him at all in fact I have kept a lot to myself and tried to turn a blind eye to what I am not happy with, how long before he decides to act it out in real life, god forbid, I realise that I cannot change him or destiny and what will be will be, I don't know do all men mastubate to images of other women and not their wife.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): The giveaway clue here is 'married for 29 years'.
It's got stale, so you need to spice things up a bit and stop making him feel guilty for doing what every other red-blooded male does. You come across as being a bit strait-laced.
Try going shopping at Agent Provocateur and give him a nice surprise one night by acting the tart. If you've kept yourself in trim like you say he'll have quite a shock and hopefully be all over you like a rash. Stockings and suspenders are a pre-requisite for this activity!
Phil
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): i disagree because i know that as a husband it's just wrong to come to other women because it makes me fight with my wife. It feels unfaithful, and if I'm acting unfaithful, how could it be unfaithful? In that short time of masturbating to someone else I develop feelings like I'm missing out on something, and then if I see my wife, I'll suddenly feel like I'm missing out when she's right there for me to not miss out on! porn of the wife seems a lot less unfaithful and more imaginative.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (19 September 2007):
 who are you to stop him? you are his wife but why woul tell you when you are going to make him stop.
cheating is when he has sexual contact with ANOTHER WOMEN, not himself. what he does when you are not around, within reason, is up to him.
you'll risk loosing him if you keep up the constant nagging, just because you don't like it, give the man a break, surely you prefer him pleasuring himself than having some leggy blonde do it for him.
credit where its due, he's not being unfaithful.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): I say make pornos together. Maybe he has a video fetish. i watch porn i make/have made with my wife all the time, as well as have sex with her all the time. my buddy put it best the other day, "isn't it weird that when you are masturbating, you think of how good it feels to have sex, and when you are having sex you think of how good it feels to be masturbating?". I mean, I'm in love and it's not that way for me, but maybe before you he watched a lot of porn. Of course make sure you trust him or film parts that could look bad so he couldn't blackmail you. Try it, if he's still not having much sex with you, I don't know what to advise. I just know I got caught with porn once and these days the stuff we made is guilt-free, so if i have to i use that. You could also try to think if you are enthusiastic enough, some of those girls in videos look like they love what they are doing. But making porn is fun.
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