A
female
age
30-35,
*rivateGirl
writes:So I've been seeing my ex, again! I always go back because I am honestly still crazy about him. This will be the second time trying again. Everything goes great for ages, lots of texting and calls. And then when we actually organise to meet up he messes it up! For example, on Saturday I was suppose to go his house, for a movie and sleepover like we always do but then I start receiving messages a few days before the meeting like "Oh, I think I have to go to Germany with my parents" which is fair enough but then he texts me again "I have to go to a relation's party" and then again "I have to watch a match" like I know all these are real situations but he just ruins the whole good of the day before it happens. THEN, he text me and told me that he's not picking me up until 10pm, this is when I finally cracked and we got into a childish fight and we never ended up going out.This guy, he tells me he "misses me" and "really likes me" but when it boils down to it he puts in no real effort and is extremely unreliable. Now we aren't talking, Valentines day is tomorrow. How do I get through to him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2012): Your ex is all talk and no action OP. Come on now, you're Irish you know exactly what that means.
What you need to realize is you're the only one trying to make this work, even now he's blowing you off and you're the one who's trying to "get through to him".
He's not that mad about you at all OP, something tells me you were the one who has made all this thing about getting back together and stuff happen. You want this and he's just going along with it but at the end of the day he's making a very real effort to avoid spending time with you. What does that tell you?
Just stop PrivateGirl, it's time you let him do some of the chasing and it's time you let him do some of the work here. You're making this all to easy for him.
Time to back off and let him actually miss you. Time you stopped putting more worth into his words than his actions.
It's easy OP, leave the ball in his court and let him make the next move. Back off from him and let him prove through his actions that he wants you and is willing to work to keep you.
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (14 February 2012):
 This guy, he tells me he "misses me" and "really likes me" but when it boils down to it he puts in no real effort and is extremely unreliable.It's the classic situation of he's just not that into you. You love him way more than he will ever love you. Saying nice things means jack shit. Maybe it's going to take a 3rd, 5th or 8th break-up for you to finally throw in the towel, OR the day he rejects you completely and refuses to even get back together. You just need to face the truth: he's not putting in the effort because he doesn't want to. Because he doesn't feel strongly enough about you and the relationship. You can't talk someone into change, or feelings. He can't tell you "hey, I want you to have positive feelings when I don't put effort into our relationship." You feel and do according to what you want to do. You can either accept that you are with a man who is giving you less than 50%, or you leave.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (14 February 2012):
 Why did you two break up in the first place? Have you had sex since seeing each other or you have yet to see him in person?It sounds as if another girl is in the picture from all those flimsy excuses he keep tossing your way. You can't make him put in effort into getting back together, it's a waste of time and won't work. He has to actually WANT to get back together and show it thru his actions. I'm afraid all that, "Miss you" is just lip service. What you can do is tell this ex he had better start showing some effort if he truly wants to get back together or you'll move on. HOWEVER, I don't believe that ultimatum will do a bit of good because you said you always go back to him....so he knows he can treat you like this and you'll still hang around. In all honesty, you're better off letting him go for good.
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